If there is one kind of film that can get people’s heads turning, it’s a Stephen King adaptation. If there are two, it’s a Stephen King adaptation we’ve been waiting five years since its announcement to see. And if there are three, it’s a Stephen King adaptation we’ve been waiting five years to see that also happens to be not-that-great, which is, of course, a key ingredient in pandering to the shoddy viewing habits of the average streaming service user.
‘Salem’s Lot just happens to be that third kind of film, and its overwhelming ascent to the top of the Max charts has plunged this particular Top 10 arena into a whole new era, complete with the oddest little footnote the streamer could have possibly conjured.
Per FlixPatrol, this day of Oct. 8 has seen ‘Salem’s Lot rocket to the top of the worldwide film rankings on Max, leaving Will Smith’s Bad Boys: Ride or Die (now in second place) firmly in the dust. Other prominent members of ‘Salem’s Lot‘s newly-conquered domain include a seventh-place The Batman (whose goal of recruiting more great movies to the Top 10 will have to wait as Halloween gets underway), and a sixth-place Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, a longtime streaming villain whose dearth of creativity is a more terrifying horror story than ‘Salem’s Lot — both diegetically and production-wise — could ever hope to be.
Except ‘Salem’s Lot actually could have been a horror classic. It is, of course, quite literally based on one of the most prominent horror novels of all time, and it’s just as timely a story now as it was back in 1975.
But unfortunately, a weak narrative and the relative absence of human emotion stripped down the first-ever ‘Salem’s Lot film adaptation into Just Another Vampire Story™. The worst part? If there was ever a time to talk about how we desperately need to quit tolerating a culture that won’t put its foot down on enough venomous evils (as the original novel did with impunity), it’s right the hell now.
On the other end of the consequentiality spectrum is Treasure Trackers, a decidedly unceremonious B-movie that, back in the day, probably would have been given the direct-to-video treatment. Instead, it’s landed directly on streaming, and happens to be genially bumbling around the charts in 10th place.
The film follows three middle-schoolers on the hunt for a legendary treasure chest said to be hidden somewhere in their hometown; a hunt that ultimately goes sideways when the treasure turns out to be a spooky curse.
One look at the poster says everything you need to know; Treasure Trackers’ prime directive is to serve up a safe, pleasant, ankle-deep, preschool-appropriate romp that captures the Halloween spirit without being the least bit scary. Think Goonies, but designed in a way that it could not have possibly been rejected by anything less milquetoast than the Disney Channel or a kindergarten classroom.
It’s honestly genuinely adorable that the first royal decree of the bloodthirsty ‘Salem’s Lot was to ensure its G-rated sidekick received a place in the Max rankings. Indeed, you can’t have shadows without a bit of light.
Published: Oct 8, 2024 01:48 pm