Asking me to definitively rank characters from the Indiana Jones franchise is kind of like asking a parent to pick their favorite kid. I’ll pretend I can’t choose for appearances when we both know that there’s one I like WAY better than the rest. Shh! Don’t tell.
So when my editors wondered if I’d be interested in trying my hand at a ranked list of Indy’s most memorable mainstays, I couldn’t help but channel Marion Ravenwood when I thought… Indiana Jones. I always knew someday you’d come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable.
Though, to be fair, I’m not nearly as cool as she is. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, that’s what Marion says to Indiana when he first shows up at her bar in Nepal. Duh.)
With Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny about a week away from a theatrical debut, fans won’t have to wait long for an epic conclusion to one of cinema’s most compelling storylines. Making this as good a time as any to look back at some of its best characters.
Do you hear that? It’s a John William fanfare — time to settle in, quiet down, and get ready to unpack my ranked list of the top 10 Indiana Jones characters of all time. If there are any favorites that I seem to have forgotten, or if you simply don’t agree, take it up with my secretary. (It’s just me.)
10. Mola Ram
Easily the evilest and certainly scariest Indiana Jones villain on this list — Amrish Puri’s portrayal of cult leader Mola Ram is the stuff of nightmares. Living underneath the Pankot palace, Mola Ram presides over a literal temple of doom. Yikes. He also ripped the beating heart out of a man’s chest, so there’s that.
The reason Ram isn’t any higher on my list has a lot to do with the fact that, as far as I’m concerned, Temple of Doom is the worst movie out of the three original Indiana Jones films. Yes, he’s scary, but the impact left by the Thugee leader doesn’t last long.
9. Elsa Schneider
Elsa Schneider is an interesting one. She not only exists as a physical embodiment of Jones’s obsession toward the Holy Grail but also winds up being the only one who beds both Jones boys, which is badass. She talks in her sleep, remember?
Introduced in The Last Crusade, Irish actress Allison Doody stuns as the Austrian doctor. Yes — she betrays Indy, ends up a Nazi sympathizer, and inevitably falls prey to the temptations of life everlasting through the cup of Christ, but at least does it with style.
8. Marcus Brody
Now we’re getting somewhere. Any characters moving forward are probably pretty interchangeable, barring a select few, and Marcus Body is no exception. After all, his best friend is Indiana Jones — the guy has it made. Played by Denholm Elliot, Marcus Brody isn’t just an academic colleague; he runs the museum funding Jones’s adventures.
In The Last Crusade, Marcus accompanies Indy into the field on his search for the Holy Grail. He ends up being useless, but it sure is funny. I love Marcys Brody, but the following characters are all so iconic I couldn’t put him any higher.
7. Major Arnold Ernst Toht
Light on screen time, but heavy on impact — Ronald Lacey’s performance as Major Toht could be considered one of the creepiest Nazis ever put to film. Heck, villains ever put to film. He steals absolutely every scene he’s in. Frankly, his turn as the unhinged antagonist of Raiders might be the most profound of the franchise.
Never forgetting that Toht also had his hand branded by the headpiece of the Staff of Ra and got his face melted off by spirits that emerged directly from the Ark of the Covenant. What the heck is with these movies and all their creative deaths?
6. Short Round
Honestly, I shouldn’t have to hold your hand through this one. He’s Short Round. What’s not to love? Ke Huy Quan is magnetic, and his chemistry with Harrison Ford remains palpable to this day.
The only issue here is that Shorty doesn’t continue his adventures with Indy past Temple of Doom, which could be marked as the franchise’s only major misstep. Besides Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — because that movie sort of sucks.
5. Sallah El-Kahir
If Indiana Jones ever had an official sidekick, Sallah might as well be it. It’s true that Short Round is Indy’s pseudo-son, but when it comes to fighting bad guys and finding treasure — no one does it better than Sallah El-Kahir. The loyal Egyptian is brought to life brilliantly by John Rhys Davies and provides excellent balance to Ford’s more grizzled hero.
Interestedly enough, John Rhys Davies appears as an older Sallah in the new trailer for Dial of Destiny, meaning that there may still be one adventure left for the “best digger in Egypt.”
4. René Belloq
What I love about Belloq is that as a bad guy, he sees Indiana Jones as more of an equal than an enemy. Their cat-and-mouse game in Raiders of the Lost Ark is wildly entertaining and allows actor Paul Freeman to imbue René Belloq with all sorts of eccentricity.
He’s a sort of gentlemen villain. The type with an eye for the finer things respects his adversary’s talent. In many ways, Belloq is anti-Indy — which is a good thing. His fate is similar to that of his partner Major Toht, who explodes while looking at the Ark of the Covenant. What is the moral of the story? Don’t look.
3. Dr. Henry Jones Senior
Well, here we are. Sean Connery’s Dr. Henry Jones Senior. Where to begin? First, he’s the father of Indiana Jones. So that’s worth something. He taught Indy just about everything he knows and is crucial in the hunt for the Holy Grail.
Not to mention the fact that plenty of Dr. Jones Senior’s lines from The Last Crusade have gone on to become just as iconic as the character himself, Connery and Ford sizzle on screen, and their father-son chemistry is off the charts.
Fun fact for all you movie buffs out there, Sean Connery was 58 years old when he filmed the third Indiana Jones film. Harrison Ford was 46. Meaning their 12-year age gap definitely didn’t make any real-life sense for the dynamic we see in the finished film.
2. Marion Ravenwood
Why is Marion Ravenwood number two on this list? Because she’s one of the most badass characters, female or otherwise, in the history of moviemaking — that’s why. Her introduction into the franchise is seen far and wide as a distortion of how to introduce a character in the first place and should be seen as a lesson to all you would-be storytellers out there.
Moreover, Marion is the only woman to ever truly best Indiana Jones. When Indy fell for Marion, he truly met his exact match. Legendary actress Karen Allen gives Marion the tough-gal attitude we all know and love and a refreshing level of human vulnerability. She’s intelligent, resourceful, and knows how to fight, all while embracing her femininity and taking down Nazis.
1. Indiana Jones
Look, there was no way around this. Of course, Indy was going to be number one on my list. The entire series is based around his namesake. When it’s said and done, Indiana Jones IS Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford IS Indiana Jones. Nothing else matters.
He’s a professor of archaeology, whip wielder, Nazi puncher, and tons of other things that make his pulpy legend even larger. Indiana Jones is one of a kind. Harrison Ford plays Indy with such a charisma that audiences everywhere have been rooting for him for almost forty years. Ford’s most recognizable role, Indiana Jones, is filmmaking at its best.
Let’s just hope that Dial of Density delivers. If it doesn’t? This franchise might quickly go the way of the dodo — relegating a once great story to the pages of history.
If you’ve stuck around this long, I thought I might make a quick list of honorable mentions. It’s time for a speed round…
Honorable Mentions
Most of these characters don’t really have names, so I just made some up.
Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword Guy
He’s got a mustache and a tattoo and has been a part of an order of knights keeping the secret of the grail safe for over 1,000 years. His soul is “prepared.” Talk about a time commitment.
Cairo Market Guy
So the Arab Swordsman from Raiders of the Lost Ark is interesting because his fight scene with Indy was supposed to last longer. The story goes that Harrison Ford was sick that day — meaning instead of an elaborate fight scene, Ford suggested that Indiana should just take his gun out and shoot the dude. The rest, as they say, is history.
Grail Knight Guy
Okay, I’ll admit the Grail Knight is pretty cool. By using the powers of the Holy Grail, this guy has been able to protect its resting place for centuries, meaning he’s essentially immortal. All he has to do is keep drinking that sweet, sweet water.
Jock Lindsey’s pet snake Reggie
Reggie the Snake might only briefly appear in Raiders but serves as a critical narrative point. After he escapes the perils of the golden idol, Indiana jumps into a plane only to discover his pilot’s pet snake — and he’s terrified. At first, audiences aren’t sure what to think. Didn’t this guy just outrun a giant bolder and fight off murderous Natives?
Reggie’s very existence humanizes Indiana Jones and gives him a phobia so relatable that we can’t help but root for him.
Well, that’s my time. Thanks for reading. Be good. Stay crazy. Tell your friends.
Published: Jun 22, 2023 08:34 pm