We here at WGTC know that you have your choice of Expendables movies, and we want to help you make the responsible decision. With more than three but fewer than five options on the table, it’s easy to get a little flummoxed on the path to AARP-eligible action star nirvana – what theologists and movie critics call “Expenda-bliss.”
We want to help you get there. With that in mind, here’s a ranked list of every Expendables movie, ranked from least to most likely to rock your whole world.
Expend4bles
We should have suspected that something was wrong when the makers of the Expendables franchise announced that the fourth entry was titled “Expend4bles.” The fourth Transformers movie had the self control to avoid doing that, and there was a phonetic “for” right there in the title.
Yes, Expend4bles, which hit U.S. theaters on Sept. 21, 2023, has been mercilessly received by both critics and audiences. Despite a high-stakes, nuke-laiden story and a return to the much-missed R-rated violence of the first two pictures in the series, it received a historically low Rotten Tomatoes score for the franchise, to say nothing of a box office reception that might just prove to studios that the Expendables have finally lived up to their name.
The Expendabl3s
It borders on unbelievable that Expend4bles managed to beat out its immediate predecessor, The Expendables 3, for the title of “worst in the franchise.” The threequel was famously lambasted by longtime fans when it made the move to a PG-13 rating. You don’t hand Stallone a grenade launcher and hope you’ll get something PG-13, you do so and wait to find out what the inside of an extra’s digestive tract looks like when it’s shooting out of the back of his spine.
Basically, mistakes were made. All the self-aware antagonist casting in the world can’t make Mel Gibson comfortable to look at, and the choice to add Frasier to the list of iconic action heroes was, um… well, it was a choice that someone made.
The Expendab1es
The first Expendables movie remains a slice of era-specific nostalgia, excess, and studio willingness to fund what amounted to $100 million action figure fights. Children of the ‘80s and ‘90s were flabbergasted to see so many recognizable-if-sagging faces in one trailer. Finally, we would have closure. Finally, we would know who would win in a fight between Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren. You know, putting aside that other time when that happened.
Your mileage may vary. Going into The Expendables expecting to see a group of your favorite action stars moving slightly slower than you remember, you’ll have a good ol’ time. Don’t think too hard about it. It’s just fun.
The Expendable2
Want to hear something crazy? The old “First thought, best thought” truism didn’t apply to The Expendables. The franchise sort of struck gold with its second entry. It makes sense – the first film set the series up as a viable prospect, bringing more of the ‘80s’ most anabolic talents into the fold. A stronger story and wild action sequences did a lot of heavy lifting. It’s still not Martin McDonagh, but it’s a good time at the movies.
Side note: Let’s see if we can get Martin McDonagh to write Expendable5.