The title of ‘Cocaine Bear’ was never a negotiable

Moviegoers flocked to theaters this weekend to see a movie about a bear on drugs, and that is a sentence we have never imagined ourselves saying before now. Who knew that a film called Cocaine Bear would not just blow into theaters (some pun intended) but genuinely captivate audiences?

Don’t get us wrong, this isn’t exactly the sort of film you eagerly anticipate as you buy your popcorn, stuffing a few extra napkins into your pockets to use as tissues, but it serves a very distinct purpose: to take us out of the hustle and bustle, the mundane and exhausting, and gives us a bird’s eye view of a bear as it ingests pounds of cocaine. There’s chaos, there’s turmoil, there’s blood — and there’s no chance the movie was going to be called anything else.

Many moving pieces had to be timed just right to make a film about a bear ingesting drugs a blockbuster sensation, and Jimmy Warden nailed it. He calls naming the film Cocaine Bear a victory in and of itself when speaking to The Hollywood Reporter.

“The victory was getting a movie made called Cocaine Bear. We’re already playing with house money at this point.”

That’s right; it was the most fundamental building block of the entire experience; the movie had to be called Cocaine Bear. What other option would have possibly made sense? The very premise of the film hinges upon an American Black Bear finding cocaine in the forest, ingesting it, and losing his mind — point blank, period.

“There was never a question in my mind. Why wouldn’t we call it Cocaine Bear?”

The irony is American Black Bears are usually quite timid and shy, choosing to stay far away from people and keep to themselves. Of course, this is looking at bears who haven’t just ingested pounds of drugs, which can change anyone (or any furry friend), according to Warden.

“Black bears on cocaine are probably kind of dangerous. I’ve known people like that. The person’s not dangerous at all, but you give them some cocaine and, you’re like, ‘watch out.'”

We’re not sure anyone will be stepping up to test that theory any time soon, but if we had to guess, it would make sense that enough drugs would turn a docile creature into something driven by a primal urge to cause destruction. Here’s hoping the next group of tourists who head to the Great Smoky Mountains or drug traffickers in planes leave the cocaine at home.