Our world continues to descend into a drawn-out montage of the opening of an apocalyptic horror movie, so we must all take solace where we can find it. As one of the nicest human beings alive, people were naturally concerned when Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson tested positive for the Coronavirus, but the pair have now been released from hospital and have gone into self-isolation to reduce the risk of infecting others.
To keep fans updated, Hanks posted to his Twitter thanking those who helped them through their hospital stay, along with a cute toy kangaroo holding an Australian flag and some toast with Vegemite, a spread made from brewer’s yeast along with vegetable extract.
Thanks to the Helpers. Let’s take care of ourselves and each other. Hanx pic.twitter.com/09gCdvzGcO
— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 15, 2020
However, Australian fans have observed the thickness with which the latter has been applied, and are giving Hanks an education in just what is and isn’t acceptable in regards to its consumption, showing just how seriously the subject is taken.
I adore Tom Hanks and I'm sure he is in safe hands, but somebody desperately needs to help him with his Vegemite application. https://t.co/57gn3KhB9y
— ????? ???? (@RonniSalt) March 15, 2020
Tom Hanks is going to die from Vegemite isn’t he. https://t.co/s2DCvKoWuy
— Neil McMahon (@NeilMcMahon) March 15, 2020
Tom. What are you doing? No Australian puts that much vegemite on their toast. pic.twitter.com/bq6m6jY73R
— Julie (@J0Marshll) March 15, 2020
Dear Mr Hanks,
Here's another helpful guide to eating Vegemite, sir.
btw Get well soon! pic.twitter.com/98dIrXixxy
— Peter Murphy (@PeterWMurphy1) March 15, 2020
'Life is like a tube of Vegemite. Don't try it all at once.'
— Sally Sara (@sallyjsara) March 15, 2020
Tom Hanks going Fuck Deep on the Vegemite, that's a deadly dosage even for seasoned warriors pic.twitter.com/fPAnZvvZk6
— Adam (@KineticSquirrel) March 16, 2020
— Tim Callanan (@MrTimCallanan) March 16, 2020
No no no no. @tomhanks and @RitaWilson I have given a step by step tutorial on my insta stories on how to not fuck up Vegemite. Please take this time to have a look. We are with you in this dark uncertain time. https://t.co/k0onI4FvUW
— Celeste barber (@celestebarber_) March 16, 2020
And this is how we know Tom Hanks has never tried vegemite in his life. pic.twitter.com/guQXzjEdaC
— Lee (@ElleKaySpread) March 16, 2020
I don't know who needs to see this, but this is what Vegemite toast should look like. (I do know who needs to see this, it's Tom Hanks) pic.twitter.com/BIfyAX4pil
— Jean Burgess (@jeanburgess) March 16, 2020
The most notable comment came from Hanks’ son Colin, who seemed unsurprised at the news.
I've been saying "That's way too much for one piece of toast." to him for years.
— Colin Hanks (@ColinHanks) March 16, 2020
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I can’t say I’ve ever experienced the stuff myself, but if it’s in any way comparable to the UK’s Marmite, that much at once would give an unpleasantly excessive flavor. It’s probably worth noting that that the toast in the picture has only one bite taken out of it, after which Hanks likely realized his mistake, well before the country’s entire population weighed in to inform him of it.
In any case, it’s good to hear that the couple are recovering, and that Tom Hanks’ inadvertent culinary faux pas has been able to lead to some good natured roasting that briefly allowed us to forget about the chaos and uncertainly in which we will all live for the foreseeable future. Also, let’s just be thankful that he didn’t do something really unforgivable, like have the kangaroo hold a New Zealand flag. Australian Twitter would have gone into a meltdown.