Everything is going to hell. As the Twitterami have duly noted, this Friday is Friday the 13th (gasp), and for the first time in recent memory, global circumstances are living up to the name. So, to lighten up the mood, we’ve hired a live-in clown to entertain you all. The clown can juggle, make balloon animals and frighten children from up to 7 miles away.
OK, so we haven’t actually hired a clown. Instead, I’m here to read you some tweets that adequately capture the terror at our impending doom. You’ll notice some shared themes as we go through them, too.
For instance, why not, as @LiamNilon suggests, look forward to a visit from one of horror’s most beloved characters this fine March evening:
Tomorrow is Friday the 13th and the way 2020 is going I’m holding out hope for a visit from that special someone… pic.twitter.com/OsbQ4YijX4
— Liam Nilon (@LiamNilon) March 12, 2020
Jason Voorhees is a man who really likes the day Friday the 13th. I’m inclined to avoid hearing him knock at my door tomorrow, though.
@Graciegirliee makes this original observation with regard to what to do with incoming agony:
Tomorrow is Friday the 13th ?what else could possibly go wrong pic.twitter.com/awdsGdeb2P
— ?✰ ?????? ✰? (@graciegirliee) March 12, 2020
Yeah, yeah, yeah, existence is pain, we get it. Tell us something we don’t know.
@_missof appears to have only just cottoned on to the fact that Day 13 of this month is, shock horror, a Friday:
— šof (@_misssof) March 12, 2020
Thoughts and prayers with you at this difficult time.
These two tweets from @DevNullProd and @Tled98 share the same sentiments, so I’ll group them together. Namely that the pandemic and the stock market crash are happening concurrently:
— /dev/null productions (@DevNullProd) March 12, 2020
Realizing that there’s a pandemic, the stock market is plunging, and tomorrow is Friday the 13th. pic.twitter.com/yrHDCYPvdE
— Tyler (@tled98) March 12, 2020
And finally, @JoeyNicita presents us with the most pithy acknowledgment of the apocalypse anyone could ask for. The Simpsons’ own Mr. Burns, staring with horror into the void:
When you’ve survived the whirlwind of crazy that was today… only to realise tomorrow is FRIDAY THE 13th pic.twitter.com/nqBekcxvcc
— Joey Nicita ☀️ (@JoeyNicita) March 12, 2020
That was a fun way to spend an afternoon. Whatever your plans are for Friday the 13th, I hope they involve hand gel and food stocks. The end is nigh.