Gem – Billy Bob Thorton (Bad Santa)
Let’s lay this out. If Santa is real (and the jury is still out on that one) – would the original man, the genuine article himself, want his cinematic representations cast in festive sentimental dross? Of course not! After decades of these Santa simulacra swaggering their big bellies across the big screen with rosy cheeks and twee aphorisms, in 2003 it was time for the real Santa to please stand up.
You might dismiss Billy Bob Thornton’s performance as Santa in Bad Santa from this debate because he is admittedly the antithesis of the traditional Christmas spirit. Sure, every other Santa onscreen delivers gifts of joy and peace and unites family under the banner of his presence, but these films convey the biggest untruth of all.
Bad Santa’s depravity holds greater loyalty to the origins of the real Santa. In early European cultures, a shaman of the Herne/Pan god led Winter Solstice rituals which rewarded the good, punished the bad, represented the coming New Year, etc. So far, so what? He also went by many monikers, was commonly portrayed wearing dark, furry animal skins, with horns and until recent desexing: an erect penis.
Bad Santa’s first exploits are directly snatched from his namesake’s partying days back in the 17th century, when the Shaman-Santa would get involved in sexually symbolic fertility rites. Which of course involved a broom-like phallic rod. You can’t say Bad Santa doesn’t like to have a good time – pulling women and engaging in coitus in a variety of venues, regardless of the aftermath is high on his list of priorities.
But oh – he’s a thief. Yes, he doesn’t begin the narrative as a Santa of strong moral fibre. He robs and shags his way through the Christmas season. Funnily enough, it’s his lack of character at the film’s opening which marks the denouement with poignancy in a dark corner of the real world.
Throughout the course of the season, Bad Santa befriends a bullied boy called Thurman, a poor lad with no parents who is swallowed by the giant house he lives in with his absent Grandma. Their first meeting affirms that Bad Santa is a colossal shit: being rude and dismissive to Thurman. By the film’s end he has come to realise what is the right choice to be made, even if it doesn’t bring riches. Looking at his partner-in-crime Marcus whose gun is aimed at Santa he questions whether it is worth it. I’d say that’s a pretty big lesson learned for a perverted drunken Santa Claus.
Bad Santa. A laugh. A Santa who brings cheer to many women through sexy good times. A chap who starts his journey in misery and ends it with bittersweet joy.
The only Santa who actually resembles the real one. I know who I’d prefer to go for a pint with!
Now it’s your turn! Head to the comments section and show your favorite Santa some love!
And if you liked these arguments so much that you’re just craving more, check out some of our past throwdowns:
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