Over the years, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has not been shy about incorporating a colorful spectrum of characters into its lineup. In the last year or so, this has included a fair amount of animals, from Alligator Loki to Lucky the Pizza Dog. While these often lovable creatures are often relegated to the sidelines, some of them, like Rocket Raccoon, have become main fixtures of their respective movie franchises. Just like the late Betty White, we love our animals as much on screen as we do in real life.
But if, God forbid, these animals were to fight the way their avenging co-stars do, who would win? We’ve selected five animals from the MCU and pitted them against each other to see who would emerge victorious and who would be left doing the downward dog.
Lucky the Pizza Dog
Introduced on the Disney Plus series Hawkeye, Lucky the Pizza Dog is, shockingly, a dog who likes pizza. The lovable pooch also only happens to have one working eye, with the other fixed in a permanent wink. Lucky is cute but would most likely be taken out by anything with superpowers, making him quite vulnerable in pretty much any dangerous situation. Other than biting evil henchmen, he would most likely have to run away and get help to avoid getting hurt. Good boys like Lucky get pizza and certainly do not participate in fights with angry, vengeful raccoons. There’s every chance that Rocket could have Lucky as a pet, though. Now that would be cute.
Speaking of thieving furries, this foul-mouthed, genetically engineered raccoon made his debut in Guardians of the Galaxy and became an instant fan favorite. While he is small, Rocket packs a great punch ⏤ literally. An expert in all things tech and weaponry, there’s no doubt that he can MacGyver his way out of any situation. He might get over-obsessed with Lucky missing an eye ⏤ he could have been the one to take it in the first place, for all we know ⏤ and might have to fit him with a prosthetic like he did with Thor in Avengers: Infinity War. That would be a sight to see (get it?) and would probably keep him open to enemy attacks.
Introduced in the Disney Plus series Loki, Alligator Loki is a variant of Loki, or so everyone believes. Even if the Alligator isn’t a Loki, he is both quick and strong, at least with his bite. He might be able to put up quite a fight, but would most likely fall short and retreat due to his size. It would be pretty entertaining to watch Alligator Loki and our next animal member of the MCU fight, though. Fingers are crossed that Alligator Loki has some mystical tricks up his sleeve and can maybe grow to a larger size at will in the future (or just be bigger the next time we see the gold-horned wonder on screen).
Also introduced in Loki, albeit quickly, Throg is a frog imbued with the powers of Thor. Either that or he’s a variant of Thor who was turned into a frog. Either way, this little guy can kick some serious buttocks. Being able to wield Mjolnir makes Throg pretty strong and something of a frontrunner on this list despite him being even tinier than Alligator Loki. Although we suspect that Lucky might be worthy enough to lift the hammer as well, since all good boys are surely worthy, Throg is likely someone you would not want to mess with if he hopped across your path.
We’ve got an alligator who can understand English, a frog who can wield a mystical hammer, and a raccoon who curses and uses large weapons, yet somehow Morris from Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings is still the weirdest creature on this list. Morris is a Dijiang, a furry creature with no face who looks like a small elephant with gorgeous wings. Like Alligator Loki, Morris seems to understand English and they both might be able to reason with Rocket if he’s in a good mood. Morris and Lucky would most likely be friends in the end since Morris seems like he could be friends with anyone (unlike Rocket, who’s as huggable as a desert cactus).
If the MCU animals decided to battle, Rocket Raccoon would start with some good old-fashioned blasting. He would aim away from Lucky, obviously, since that would be a major no-no, and Lucky would retreat. Throg would whirl Mjolnir to deflect Rocket’s shots and Alligator Loki would snap up Throg for lunch. Morris would be flying around, chirping and yipping away, and get hit by either a stray bolt of lightning or one of Rocket’s bullets. Rocket would try to stay high to avoid getting hit by Alligator Loki’s attacks and succeed until Throg broke free of the alligator’s mouth with Mjolnir. Because Rocket is one smart anthropomorphic critter, he would most likely come up with a weapon that could harness Throg’s thunder to send it back to him, but by this point, Lucky would probably be back with Hawkeye and the rest of the Avengers to break up the fight.
In an ideal world, there would be a Disney Plus short with Rocket babysitting the other animals and they wouldn’t have to fight at all. But we all know that if they did come to blows, Rocket would win. At least we know that even if he wouldn’t win the fight, Lucky would likely come out of the tussle smiling and looking up at Daddy Clint with a determined eye, a wink, and a blatant desire for pizza.