Napoleon Dynamite is the hit indie film from 2004 that launched the careers of star Jon Heder, director Jared Hess, and co-writer Jerusha Hess. That’s in large part due to the quirky comedy’s endlessly quotable dialogue and one-liners.
For the uninitiated, Napoleon Dynamite is one of those lightning-in-a-bottle films that seemed to capture the zeitgeist of the moment like no other comedy of its release year. It focuses on the misadventures of Heder’s Napoleon as he navigates the various ups and downs of high school. In particular, the movie captures a kind of wholesome awkwardness that is so defining of adolescence. The aesthetic of wood-paneled mobile home interiors, fanny packs, sweatpants, ’80s graphic tees with horse illustrations, and beige CRT computer monitors from the ’90s is apropos of the 2000s feeling in itself like a particularly awkward decade, as it regurgitates the look and feel of the past 20 years that came before it, trying to find its own identity.
It’s hard to know what exactly makes Napoleon Dynamite simultaneously so timeless and a time capsule all at once. However, for our money, it probably has something to do with the relatable characters, off-beat humor, and lighthearted tone coming together in a sublime mixture that tickles our funny bone in just the right way. The dialogue from the film is perhaps the best encapsulation of this. So without further delay, let’s count down our top 10 most memorable Napoleon Dynamite quotes, ranked.
10. A cheesy suggestion.
In an early scene, Napoleon asks his grandma (played by Sandy Martin), “Well, what is there to eat?” She responds with a classic line that illustrates the character has no idea how to pronounce a lick of Spanish, “Knock it off, Napoleon! Just make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!”
9. Tots and bothered.
With Napoleon often being the subject of bullying, Bracken Johnson’s Randy demands, “Napoleon, give me some of your tots” after spotting them in our protagonist’s sweat pant cargo pocket.
Not giving in to the shakedown, Napoleon says, “No, go find your own.”
“Come on, give me some of your tots,” Randy rebuffs.
But Napoleon doesn’t back down, saying, “No, I’m freakin’ starving! I didn’t get to eat anything today.”
At this, Randy proceeds to kick Napoleon’s tot-filled pocket, smoothing them, and causing our hero to shout, “Ugh! Gross! Freakin’ idiot!”
8. Adult education.
One of the many viral one-liners from the movie, due to its almost anti-humor tone, is set up when Tina Majorino’s Deb comes to Napoleon’s doorstep in order to sell services like glamour photography shots and goods like boondoggle keychains, explaining, “I’m trying to earn money for college.”
At this, Aaron Ruell’s Kip overhears the conversation and retorts from the background, “Your mom goes to college.”
7. Lactose tolerance.
In a scene that appears to be Napoleon’s attempt at flirting with Deb, he sees her drinking milk with one percent fat at lunch one day. At this, he tells her:
“I see you’re drinking one percent. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”
6. Sumptuous seafood.
Another possibly flirtatious moment comes at the end of Napoleon Dynamite when Napoleon and Deb are about to engage in a game of tetherball. Before they play, he tells her, “I caught you a delicious bass.”
5. Skills in magic.
As Deb and Napoleon’s friendship blossoms, she asks her what he’s drawing one day. His reply is iconic in itself, “A liger.”
But she presses him further, “What’s a liger?”
Napoleon shines a light by replying, “It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.”
4. Gosh!
“Gosh” is a phrase uttered by Napoleon multiple times in the movie, making it one of his signature calling cards as a character. One of the best uses of it comes at the very beginning of he movie when a kid on the bus asks him, “What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?”
He responds, “Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!”
3. Hunting wolverines in Alaska.
Trevor Snarr’s Don is another character in the movie who, while he may not qualify as a full-blown bully, nevertheless clearly revels in mocking Napoleon’s quirkiness at every opportunity. He asks the glasses-clad hero, “Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?”
“I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!” is Napoleon’s somewhat annoyed response. When asked if he shot any of them, Napoleon replies, “Yes, like 50 of ’em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?”
Finally, Don asks Napoleon what kind of gun he used, to which he responds, “A freakin’ 12-gauge, what do you think?”
2. Blowing Nessie out of the water.
During a classroom scene in the movie, Napoleon is asked to give a presentation on current events. His response is as baffling as it is hilarious.
“Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.”
1. Feeding Tina.
As part of Napoleon’s regular chores, he is tasked with feeding his grandma’s llama with casserole leftovers, apparently. Watching Napoleon angrily sling the mush onto the grass in front of a confused-looking mammal represents the most memorable part of the movie, not least of all because of the slew of insults he directs at the animal.
“Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!… Tina, eat. Food. Eat the food!”
Published: Oct 18, 2023 12:09 pm