Border Patrol agents realize man’s suspiciously large pants bulge was not his ‘man-meat’ and it could cost him 20 years in jail

A man is staring down 20 years in prison after Border Patrol agents realized the suspiciously large bulge in his pants, which he claimed was his anatomy, was actually two critically endangered parakeets. The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Southern California confirmed that 35-year-old Jesse Agus Martinez was stopped by Customs and Border Protection, or CBP, at the U.S.-Mexico border on October 23.

According to TMZ, agents noticed a very questionable lump in his trousers. You can imagine the scene; they must have been immediately suspicious of the unusual shape. When questioned about the massive protrusion, Martinez reportedly tried to pass the bulge off as his “mighty man-meat.”

I heard this story often when I was a Correctional Officer, and it was almost always contraband. Agents didn’t buy the story for a second, of course, and checked out the situation. They found something much smaller, much more fragile, and definitely much more feathered than Martinez claimed. Border Patrol tends to get on the news for their issues, but it is better to see them save the day.

Those poor animals had the worst hiding spot

The agents found two little brown bags stuffed right into his underwear. Each of those bags contained a rare orange-fronted parakeet. This discovery immediately elevated the situation from a simple border violation to a serious federal charge. The U.S. Attorney’s Office noted that these poor birds were breathing, but they were heavily sedated. That means Martinez put them through a terrible ordeal just to sneak them across the border.

These aren’t just any birds, either. According to the International Union for the Conservation of Nature, the orange-fronted parakeet is critically endangered, like the Turning Red panda. It’s truly heartbreaking that someone would treat these rare creatures this way, stuffing them into such a dangerous and restricted space, just for personal gain. This kind of wildlife smuggling is incredibly detrimental to conservation efforts around the globe.

When pressed for an explanation, Martinez quickly told the agents he shoved the birds in his pants because he didn’t have the proper paperwork to bring them into the U.S. He then admitted he planned to keep them in a shoebox in his van once he got past the checkpoint. That’s just unbelievably negligent treatment for a critically endangered species. The entire operation was poorly planned and deeply unethical, in my opinion.

Martinez is now facing a serious federal smuggling charge. If he’s found guilty, he could be slapped with a massive $250,000 fine and potentially up to two decades in prison. That’s a top-tier penalty, and it shows just how seriously the government takes the illegal trafficking of protected wildlife. I think this strong penalty sends a clear message that this behavior won’t be tolerated.

Luckily, the story has a somewhat positive ending for the feathered victims. Veterinarians treated the birds immediately after they were seized, and they are now in quarantine. Reports indicate they are stable and recovering from the sedation and the trauma of the smuggling attempt. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is officially investigating the case to see exactly what Martinez was planning to do with his illegal, feathered cargo once he reached his destination. Hopefully, these rare parakeets can eventually find a safe home thanks to the quick work of the agents.