Ellen Pompeo & Katherine Heigl on the iconic ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ ‘Pick Me’ scene that changed a generation

Powerhouse actresses and unapologetically strong women Katherine Heigl and Ellen Pompeo sat down for a mutual interview thanks to Variety‘s “Actors on Actors” series, and their conversation is a reminder of all things fabulous, life-changing, and heart-wrenching about the Grey’s Anatomy realm of pop culture.

If you ask any fan of Grey’s to recall the most iconic scene between Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd, one scene immediately comes to mind. In all reality, there are several scenes that fans can think of — but the one that stands out above all others hinges on three critical words.

Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

Heigl and Pompeo talked about those three words regarding their children, specifically Pompeo’s daughter, who was having a conversation with her friends about a “pick me” type of girl. Pompeo was intrigued, and when she dug deeper to figure out what exactly they were talking about, she was both a little bit shocked and immensely honored to be part of its inspiration.

Pompeo: “So, OK, this is a real thing. My daughter and her friends, they sit around, and they’re like, “Oh, she’s a ‘pick me girl.'”
Heigl: “Oh, my God! Is that what that means?”
Pompeo: “Yes. I’m like, “What’s a pick me girl?” They were like, “You know, girls who are like, ‘Pick me, choose me!’” And I’m like, “Hello?! Do you know who invented the ‘pick me girl’?”

Heigl: “That’s incredible.”
Pompeo: “Listen, I don’t know if you remember that I fought that speech so hard. That’s another really interesting thing about life — some things that I was so against, and I was like, “I can’t beg a man on TV! This is so embarrassing.” And then it turns out to be one of the most famous scenes ever.”
Heigl: “It was a beautiful scene.”

Pompeo is crying in the scene, and while she tells Heigl it’s because she had to beg a man on television, it translates well to the viewers. No one wants to beg anyone for love or affection, and no one wants to have to ask for attention or to be necessary to a person they love, but some of us have been there before. While Pompeo fought it tooth and nail, it’s actually a fan-favorite scene, and there’s something to be said there about the vulnerability aspect of a heart-wrenching conversation; that despite everything in your head telling you no, your heart finally spoke louder.

The “pick me” scene from Grey’s is as iconic as the long-running series. While there are layers to what that scene meant and a lens that allows us all to see it differently depending on where we are in our lives, we aren’t too proud to admit it; it’s one of our favorite Meredith moments in the show.

Yes, there’s a lot going on, and no — no one should ever have to beg for love, but if you look at it through the light of her just asking him for what she needs, for putting it all out on the line no matter how gut-wrenching and painful it could be, it’s a beautiful scene, just as Heigl says.