I got ‘The Great Controversy’ delivered to me in the mail today and I’m kind of freaked out

Look, there are enough things we all have to worry about every day. The existential dread of knowing I’ll have to see more of Tucker Carlson’s brand of bull hockey on Twitter (thanks Elon) is unbearable when I just want to watch The Muppets Mayhem while giggling to myself in peace. So when an unpackaged book I didn’t even order that looks like a conservative’s wet dream was suddenly in my mailbox this morning, I was less than thrilled. I was honestly concerned someone sent me a thinly veiled threat of violence because I keep my Progress Pride Flag proudly displayed on my porch.

Maybe you’ve had the same experience recently, suddenly opening your mailbox door in the year of our lord 2023 only to find The Great Controversy staring back at you sent from somewhere in Michigan you’ve never heard of. Sadly, despite its tagline of “will two former rivals unite,” this isn’t spicy conservative Christian-rivals-to-lovers political fan fiction. It’s just a reprint of a book from 1895 written by a woman who claimed to have hundreds of visions that may have weirdly influenced Vegetarian culture across the globe. And no, I’m not kidding.

Ellen G. White is the author of the book and I had to figure that out on the copyright page because Remnant Publications excluded it from the cover and the title page. I guess they didn’t want stunned folks receiving the book to realize right away that it was written by the co-founder of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. They probably also don’t want you to know Ellen White actually faced charges of plagiarism over the book. Yeah, she barely avoided legal punishment, but even the Ellen G. White Encyclopedia says that “Ellen White borrowed from other authors.” Just so you know the level of quality you’re getting here.

But enough about the author, you’re probably wondering just like me who in the world sent you this perfectly good waste of trees as we face a global warming crisis. Well, that’s the aforementioned Remnant Publications, an annoying little book store and publishing house based in Coldwater, Michigan. These folks believe that “unprecedented changes taking place in the political and religious climate” mean they should take donations so they can push their religious beliefs on various places across the United States. They’ve previously hit New York, Philadelphia, Denver, Nashville, and Detroit, not to mention the entirety of both West Virginia and Vermont. Now they’re giving paper recycling plants near Portland, Oregon a surprise increase in business.

So why do they claim they’re doing this? Straight from the horse’s mouth, “We are convinced that sharing these Great Controversy books with our friends and neighbors, in hospitals, churches, and libraries will give people the information they need—that the controversy between good and evil is about to come to an end, and that they have so much to hope for if they will only believe in and follow Jesus. That is the blessed hope.”

But in reality, it seems the real reason is a lot different. As The Chicago Tribune put it when a similar incident happened in Chi-town, “One of the reasons Chicago was selected to receive the “gift” is the city’s problem with crime, an issue that faces other big cities as well.” Look, I live in Portland, and despite Republicans claiming our entire city burned to the ground during protests in 2020, we’re actually quite alive and thriving here! And maybe they should be sending these books to conservative Republican-ran cities where the crime rate is even higher.

Now look, despite the comments the worst people you know will be making about me on social media later for being some “trans terrorist Christian hater” or something after they stumble across this article, I really don’t have a problem with Christians. Seriously, people across various faiths come to conclusions on these things and how they can enrich their lives and I highly respect that! I won’t judge a faith based on simply its tenets alone.

However, I will judge folks based on the actions they take and I’ll say judging an entire area as horrible sinners needing to be saved isn’t exactly going to get you on my good side. And just look at this picture a Portland postal officer posted of this entire mess. Think of not only how extremely wasteful of resources this is, but how much more annoying work is given to people just trying to do an extremely important job. I see a whole lot of Christians here haven’t read their Bible because if I remember right, it’s John 8:7 that says, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

The next time someone tells me that LGBT people are shoving their opinions down people’s throats, I’ll tell them to choke on it then because I don’t remember a queer organization canvassing entire towns and even states at people’s homes with books they didn’t ask for. “It’s not to try and force any religion down anybody’s throat,” my butt, Dwight Hall. Yeah, the CEO and founder of Remnant Publications seriously had the gall to claim that after bothering the entire town of Denver, Colorado. All you’ve done is annoy and maybe even scare some queer folks in Portland just like myself. But go off about how much you love the sinner hate the sin and all that.

So the real question is, what do you do with this literal garbage that was sent to you in the mail? Sure you could simply recycle it or maybe use it as kindling at your next bonfire party, but honestly – I’d mark it “return to sender” and simply leave it in your mailbox. It’d be fun to see Revenant Publications have to pay the fees for having thousands of these literal paper weights mailed back to them, right?