‘Ruled by the dumbest people in America’: Trump just ordered Kristi Noem to paint the entire wall border black for… reasons

If you think too hard about the fact that the world’s most highly armed nuclear superpower is governed by the whims of a demented cheeseburger-addled lunatic, you’ll go completely insane. All previous presidents have recognized that the power of the office is underlined by using it carefully and in a focused manner, and not, say, issuing edicts like a mad king.

But Donald Trump is redefining what a president can be, gives whatever bizarre order springs to his mind, and nobody has the spine to tell him it’s a terrible idea. For example, dog butcher Kristi Noem gave a speech today in which she revealed that the entire border wall has been ordered to be painted black – and said order was “specifically at the request of the president”:

We are ruled by the dumbest people in America. https://t.co/dt4QHxLF30

— Maine (@TheMaineWonk) August 20, 2025

“That was specifically at the request of the president, who understands that in the hot temperatures down here when something is painted black it gets even warmer and it will make it even harder for people to climb. So we are going to be painting the entire southern border wall black.”

Trump isn’t entirely incorrect when he says that black objects get hotter in the sun. Black surfaces absorb more solar radiation, converting it into heat, while lighter surfaces reflect more light and absorb less energy.

For example, a black car will heat up more than a white car under the same sunlight conditions. However, just because that’s true doesn’t mean painting the border wall black makes it more secure!

Here’s why it’s stupid

In a very Trumpian development, painting it black makes it easier to breach. First up, any temperature increase from the paint job will be minimal – metal exposed to desert sun gets very hot, no matter what color it’s painted (in fact, the currently unpainted metal will probably be hotter).

Secondly, the majority of border wall crossing attempts take place at night, when it’s dark. Those attempting this generally wear dark colors to avoid being seen, so they’d be harder to spot against a black wall from a distance.

So, how much is this going to cost? Assuming the entire 458-mile border wall is included (as Noem says it will), the cost will be astronomical. If Trump goes for cheap paint, we’re looking at around $500 million. If he goes for a premium paint that can endure the desert heat, it’ll be around $1.3 billion. On top of that, you can add ongoing maintenance costs at an unknown annual amount.

So it’s going to cost a ridiculous amount, do less than nothing, and waste everyone’s time. Or, to put it another way, it’s a textbook Donald Trump bright idea.