Melania Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. have hatched a plan to make Donald Trump healthy again, according to a Page Six source.
Closely following a photo of Trump’s closest allies sharing a McDonalds on a private jet, the insider said “RFK Jr. and Melania are ganging up on the President-elect to eat in a more healthy way. Think fewer Big Macs and less KFC, and more lean protein, salad, and veggies for energy and to improve his overall well-being.”
Melania is reportedly so motivated to help she’s been cooking more home dinners. “Melania has, on occasion, been cooking family dinners at Trump Tower for the president and their son, Barron,” they claimed. “She’s also encouraging him to make healthier choices.”
Melania apparently “watches every bite she takes,” which aligns with her past as a model. “She has also guided their son’s eating habits since he was a toddler. Mar-a-Lago members say they spot her heading to the spa, to work out and have regular skin care and hair treatments.” Of course she does. What else would she be doing?
The claim was directly refuted by yet another 100% trustworthy “insider” who remarked, “Nonsense! Trump eats whatever he wants.” Two former Trump aides said, “Two Big Macs, two Fillet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted,” is Trump’s usual McDonald’s order. He’s also prone to a KFC on the go.
The alleged plan to improve the president-elect’s diet follows harsh comments made by the anti-science, unqualified health secretary. He previously compared the food on Trump’s plane, named “Trump Force One,” to poison. Cue him sitting with the other cronies digging into a Big Mac burger and a full-sugar bottle of Coke.
Some pundits wondered if the photo was a bit of an in-joke regarding ex-presidential nominee RFK. Jr’s comments. “They did it as a joke,” said another source. “RFK Jr. is all about healthy living and no processed foods. He hates fast food. He probably didn’t eat it.”
If the alternative to hypocrisy is wasting food, that’s not much better. Alas, Page Six’s source thought it was done to “own the libs.” They were messing with people, the insider claimed. “The libs take everything so seriously, they’re melting down. Team Trump is just messing with them on everything. Trump is New York, he likes to bust balls.”
Meanwhile, the only thing actually melting is trust in Kennedy’s word. He has previously taken shots at processed foods, saying he aims to remove them from school lunches as well as voicing the desire to ban hundreds of food additives and chemicals — many of which are used for food safety and shelf life.
Onlookers are in no position to make determinations on Trump’s health, but considering he has put a fluoride and vaccine skeptic in charge of public health, we’re starting to think maybe Melania should, in fact, be in charge of everyone’s plates. Given the common Republican views on gender roles, that would probably go down a treat with the guys on Trump Force One. No more fries for you, Donald, it’s green salad Saturdays from now on.