The Melania documentary is some premium schadenfreude. It’s a fawning study of the profoundly uninteresting Melania Trump, directed by disgraced pervert Brett Ratner, with Melania herself as executive producer (the sure sign of an objective documentary!), and Melania scoring a personal payout of $28 million from it.
Why does Melania even exist at all, and who is this for?! Well, let’s just say that funding a vanity documentary about the First Lady is an easy way of winning Donald Trump’s favor, which may or may not have been on Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ mind when he paid $40 million for it.
We can see why the justification for Melania getting a domestic theatrical release. Enough MAGA sycophants are willing to open their wallets for any piece of crap with the Trump family name on it. But, for some insane reason, Amazon has decided that Melania deserves a wide release in the United Kingdom, where the Trumps are as popular as the bubonic plague.
And so Melania begins its wide theatrical run in the United Kingdom today. Large advertisements are festooned across theaters, Melania’s stern face is beaming down from ads, and multiple screenings are scheduled for each day at Vue cinemas.
The box office opens!
So, how many seats have been sold for the first screening in Vue’s flagship London branch? Are Londoners eagerly queuing up to find out exactly what makes Melania Trump tick?
Well… no. As of writing, just ONE ticket has been sold for the first screening today. Ah, but maybe it’s having a slow start? Well, a peek over the coming days indicates that Melania will be screened in front of completely empty rooms.
Own up then, who was it?
— JmRoyle #LFC #YNWA #BLM #RejoinEU (@MyArrse) January 27, 2026
US has spent $35million on promoting the new Melania Trump movie in UK and only 1 ticket has been sold.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
We should underline at this point that Trump himself insists that Melania is currently “selling out” UK cinemas. Well, something’s selling out, but it certainly isn’t these screenings…
Vue Cinemas (which, incidentally, is owned by US-based hedge funds) was asked why on Earth they are scheduling a movie that absolutely nobody wants to see. Well, Vue Chief Executive Tim Richards admits that advance sales have been “soft”, but goes on to make the cast-iron argument that they are a cinema, and cinemas show movies, and Melania is a movie, so naturally they will show it.
“I have told everyone that, regardless of how we feel about the movie, if it is BBFC [British Board of Film Classification] approved we look at them and 99% of the time we will show it. We do not play judge and jury to censor movies.”
The whole Melania affair is mortifying from top to bottom, a teetering pyramid of corruption, idiocy, and overt brown-nosing. Oh well, at least Melania herself got a fat payday out of this disaster, I’m sure she’ll spend the millions she’s made wisely.
Published: Jan 28, 2026 06:43 am