Elon Musk has unofficially been crowned the quasi-ruler of the United States — without a single actual vote by an American citizen cast in his favor.
Musk, our very own Tweeter-in-Chief, is clearly having a blast stirring up chaos like it’s his favorite new hobby. Like a discount store Littlefinger with a god complex, he’s gleefully eviscerating spending bills and legislative agendas proposed by the very representatives Americans actually did vote for. Most recently, he torpedoed a government spending bill that was all set to sprinkle some much-needed cash on disaster relief and struggling farmers. Instead, Musk decided to play the Grinch, calling the bill “terrible,” “criminal,” and “an insane crime.”
The Tony Stark cosplayer seems to think he’s entitled to dictate policy by virtue of his inflated ego and Twitter follower count. The irony? Musk isn’t even a politician ⏤ he just plays one on the internet. Watch out, Donny — your new BFF might just be angling to steal your throne! Representative Jasmine Crockett, already at her wit’s end dealing with the likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene, laid it out perfectly:
Looks like Trump’s already picked his side, as the AI image above perfectly captures. The image, already circulating on X alongside the words “President Musk,” sees Musk perched on a literal throne, looking every bit a tech emperor in his “tech mogul chic.” Then there’s Trump looking more like a courtier paying homage to the new king of the hill. This bizarre tableau might just be the ultimate meme fodder, but it’s also a stark visual of power dynamics gone awry in our modern-day government. It’s a power overhaul, and it’s happening live for the world to see. (Rand Paul is already pitching Elon Musk for Speaker of the House, aka can we all just go back to bed now?)
Musk’s latest antics have seen him practically attached to Trump’s hip, acting as some sort of unelected “co-president.” He’s reportedly been shadowing Trump everywhere, sitting in on calls with world leaders like he’s the second coming of Henry Kissinger. According to loose-lipped insiders at Mar-a-Lago, Musk is shamelessly “taking lots of credit for the president’s victory” in a blatant attempt to make The Donald owe him big time. This is a perilous game of brinksmanship to play with a man as pathologically fixated on winning as Trump.
Mercifully, it appears that even Trump has his breaking point when it comes to tolerating Musk’s insufferable antics. His goon squad is putting on a brave face and pinky swearing that Donald J. is still large and in charge, with soon-to-be White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt declaring, “President Trump is the leader of the Republican Party. Full stop.” Another Trump confidant from the transition team added, “There are things Elon doesn’t agree with us on that he ain’t getting.”
The former reality TV star might be indeed growing weary of being endlessly cucked by his clingy paramour and soon give him the dreaded “you’re fired” heave-ho. After all, there’s barely enough room in the Oval Office for one malignant narcissist, let alone two — and sharing is not a page in Trump’s dogeared playbook. But who can truly foresee what fate holds in store. In all seriousness, Musk’s brazen power grab sets a risky precedent. If we’re not careful, we could be headed straight for a full-blown oligarchy, with Musk and his fellow tech bros pulling the strings and laughing all the way to the bank.