On Oct. 1, 2024, Donald Trump was glued to the TV screen watching with perverse glee as his running mate, JD Vance, slithered onto the stage for the debate.
Would Vance continue his impressive streak of bald-faced lying, fearmongering, and generally acting like a weapons-grade douchebag? Trump’s entire being quivered with anticipation, from his pursed lips to his clenched… well, let’s just say he was thoroughly puckered.
Vance had been honing his skills for weeks, practicing in front of a mirror and perfecting his “I’m not racist, but…” face. However, what we got was a rejected eyeliner-clad member of a goth boy band sporting a pink tie (I wonder who dressed this fashion icon?) whose smooth delivery couldn’t mask the utter lack of substance in his words. According to Vance, after the 2020 election results Trump had “peacefully transferred power.” Yes, a horde of bloodthirsty MAGAs storming the Capitol and braying for the Vice President’s head on a pike was apparently just a silly little whoopsie-daisy.
This sort of gaslighting is straight out of the John Hughes movie villain playbook. Think of how Steff from Pretty in Pink or Hardy from Some Kind of Wonderful would try to make their victims question their perceptions and memories in order to maintain power and control. These toxic traits have been evident long before now. Vance had previously attacked “childless cat ladies” (because you need to have a uterus full of babies to run for office), called school shootings “a fact of life” (tell that to the parents who’ve lost children, you heartless jerk), and claimed that immigrants in his state are salivating at the thought of feasting on people’s beloved pets (I can’t even with this one).
As the debate wrapped up, the internet couldn’t help but get nostalgic for the ‘80s. Though, instead of synth-pop (“Bette Davis Eyes,” anyone?), people were reminded of the smug, punchable faces of John Hughes movie villains. As one commenter put it:
And who better to co-sign this comparison than Jon Cryer, who stared down more than his fair share of snotty trust fund wankers in the classic movie, Pretty in Pink? Without missing a beat, Cryer summed up his thoughts in just two words.
Cryer’s character, Duckie, went toe-to-toe with the archetypal ’80s jerk, Steff. So, he intimately understands the white-hot rage that boils in your gut when you’re forced to endure the presence of a sneering, condescending prick. Predictably, Cryer’s confirmation sent the MAGA horde into a frothing rage. They furiously hammered out rebuttals citing Vance’s hardscrabble upbringing detailed in his memoir, Hillbilly Elegy.
Yes, we get it, Vance grew up poor, and no one is disputing that. Congratulations on learning to read, MAGA minions.
But here’s the thing — the original poster wasn’t talking about Vance’s childhood financial situation. Rather, the tweet highlighted that Vance embodies the worst traits of those movie villains. MAGA folks also missed the part where Vance went to Yale, became a successful author and venture capitalist, and oh yeah, is now running for Vice President of the United States. So, newsflash: he’s not poor anymore.
Anyways, if one needs evidence that Vance has metastasized into a spot-on facsimile of this “screw everyone else” archetype, look no further than his track record. He has cozied up to the very people he once denounced as dangerous extremists, all in the name of political ambition. His character perfectly fits the pompous archetype, willing to step on anyone and everyone to climb the social ladder.
To sum it up, we have to be like Duckie, like Andie, like all the scrappy underdogs who stood up to the such bullies. If we’re not careful, we’ll all be stuck living in a John Hughes movie-inspired-turned-reality, with no hope of escape. At least in the movies, the smarmy rich kid villains usually get their comeuppance in the end.
