‘Have you been permanently banned from there?’: Lauren Boebert’s opponent challenged her to a debate at the ‘Beetlejuice’ theater and I am literally dead

Lauren Boebert has always fancied herself the leading lady. But little did she know, her understudy, Trisha Calvarese, was waiting in the wings, ready to steal the show with a Beetlejuice-inspired performance that would leave Boebert’s career sleeping with the fishes. 

The video, released on X which mimics a movie trailer, starts with a dramatic voiceover asking, “Is Lauren Boebert vaping?” It then goes on to reference the original Beetlejuice movie, with another voiceover saying, “Boebert Boebert Boebert,” just like how Michael Keaton’s character was summoned by calling his name three times. Calvarese then appears on screen, sitting in a theater with a bag of popcorn, and offers to help Boebert learn how to behave in a theater and in Congress. The video ends with footage of Boebert being escorted from the Buell Theatre, where she was caught causing a disturbance during the performance of a Beetlejuice musical. Calvarese clearly knows how to hit where it hurts.

Last year, the self-proclaimed champion of family values was caught red-handed, engaging in some seriously inappropriate canoodling with her companion during the musical. Reports suggest they were “vaping, recording, and causing a disturbance,” and even groping each other in the theater. When staff intervened, Boebert reportedly showed her middle finger. Stay classy, Lauren. Really living up to those wholesome values. 

And if that wasn’t enough, her own son, Tyler, is currently facing a laundry list of charges related to car break-ins and thefts. It’s no wonder that Boebert barely limped across the finish line in the 2022 re-election, squeezing out a victory by a pathetic 546 votes out of 327,000 cast. She’s now moved to the 4th district, likely in hopes of a more favorable outcome, but her opponent is already giving her a run for her money with this viral video. You gotta give Calvarese props for thinking outside the box. By using a movie theater preview screen and dramatic voice-overs, Calvarese created a memorable message that stands out from typical political advertisements. It’s funny, engaging, and makes you want to watch it again just to catch all the references.

So, who is this Trisha Calvarese, you ask?

Calvarese is a Colorado native who grew up in Sterling and Highlands Ranch, and she’s got endorsements from prominent Colorado Democrats, including Congresswoman Brittany Pettersen, former Congresswoman Betsy Markey, and State Senator Jessie Danielson. She has worked as a speechwriter for the AFL-CIO and the National Space Foundation, where she helped shape messaging for major legislation like the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law. Calvarese’s campaign focuses on protecting Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, restoring abortion rights, and making Colorado a leader in renewable energy and climate technology – issues that actually matter to her constituents

As for Boebert, she remains entangled in the tentacles of her tangerine-tinted overlord’s conspiracy theories. If saying “Boebert” three times makes her disappear, then I’m about to become the world’s most annoying parrot.

Boebert, Boebert, Boebert!

Did it work? No? Well, I guess we’ll just have to settle for watching Calvarese drag her back to the hell she came from. And with the upcoming release of Beetlejuice 2, Boebert’s mortifying theater meltdown is about to be dredged up like a shambling, moldy corpse from the depths of her past. Pass the popcorn, this is gonna be good.