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Donald Trump looking lost with his arm out next to a shocked Mark Hamill
Photo by Rebecca Noble/Getty Images and Daniel Boczarski/Getty Images

‘He’s truly a delusional, narcissistic buffoon’: Donald Trump explains how Jesus will help him win the election while Mark Hamill translates

Jesus wept.

A history of being enabled at every turn despite his tomfoolery has led Donald Trump to truly delude himself into thinking that a one Jesus Christ is on his side. Fortunately for us, the internet’s dad Mark Hamill is once again coming in clutch with the perfect response to send the would-be president cringing back to whatever hive of scum and villainy he crept out of.

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Trump’s status as the sole representative of the conservative, right-wing ideology in the 2024 presidential race has had many unfortunate side effects, but most distressing of all is a sort of inferred association with Jesus. I’d say it all started with him unironically declaring that he’s “the chosen one” and repeatedly implying over the years that he’s America’s only chance at redemption, but many right-wing organizations of a religious nature have also been taking that pathological narcissism to a new extreme. For example, where Trump would’ve once simply alluded to the good old Book of the Lord just to appease his Christian following, he’s now claiming that were Jesus able to descend from the celestial realm and participate in a vote tally, it would prove that Trump won the state of California come Nov. 5.

“I guarantee, if Jesus came down and was the vote counter, I would win California,” the Republican presidential candidate said in yet another tirade of unhinged, wearisome delusions.

At a loss for words? Baffled beyond hope of recovery? Doubting perhaps, once again, if we’re all inside the Matrix and this is some twisted joke that the universe is playing on us? Fortunately, Mark Hamill knows just how to deal with this kind of situation. Ever the wisecracker, he took to his X account to give the perfect response to Trump’s latest remarks:

Unfortunately, that wasn’t everything presidential nominee Dump had to say on the matter. “In other words, if we had an honest vote counter,” Trump begins to say, but then interrupts himself by launching into another bout of self-flattery, “—I do great with the Hispanics. Great. I mean, at a level that no Republican’s ever done. But if we had an honest vote counter, I would win California. I go around California, they have Trump signs all over the place.” It’s a shame that Trump is somehow insinuating there isn’t a single honest soul in California who could do an honest job of counting the votes outside of Christ, because as far as the Lord’s calendar is concerned, I don’t suppose he can afford to dawdle away the day adding up presidential ballots.


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Author
Image of Jonathan Wright
Jonathan Wright
Jonathan is a religious consumer of movies, TV shows, video games, and speculative fiction. And when he isn't doing that, he likes to write about them. He can get particularly worked up when talking about 'The Lord of the Rings' or 'A Song of Ice and Fire' or any work of high fantasy, come to think of it.