Hope you are ready — really ready — to know why there are bandages on Donald Trump’s hands. Brace yourself

The average person shakes thousands and thousands of hands in a lifetime without needing medical attention. Donald Trump, it turns out, is built differently.

If you’ve been wondering why the President of the United States’ hand looks like he’s been playing roughhouse with JD Vance in the Oval Office, you’re in luck, because the White House has an explanation, though whether you buy it is another matter entirely.

President Trump has been spotted wearing Band-Aids on the back of his right hand for over a week now, a look that has already graced Cabinet meetings, a Pennsylvania rally, and even the Kennedy Center Honors red carpet. But if you ask the White House what’s going on, the official line is more baffling than the mystery itself.

According to Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, the bandages are simply the result of the president, uh, shaking hands. When asked head-on if the president was feeling alright, Leavitt dubbed the Oval Office “Grand Central Terminal,” adding that Trump “is meeting with more people than any of you even know about on a daily basis.” She also pointed to Trump’s daily aspirin regimen as a contributing factor to the bruising.

So there you have it, folks. The leader of the free world is being undone by firm grips and blood thinners. I get the feeling that every foreign leader he’s ever tried to out-squeeze in a power handshake, as he so loves to do, is feeling very smug right now.

The White House is apparently able to gaslight with the best of them, but you can tell people the sky is green so many times before they start to wonder what else you’ve been lying about. The terrifying realization hits when you notice Leavitt, Trump, and the MAGA faithful wave away every question with a hidden smirk, because, as one user aptly pointed out, that’s exactly how stupid they think the average American is.

Putting aside the laughably absurd explanation offered by Leavitt, what’s far more likely is that the bruising is connected to something the administration has already acknowledged but would rather you forget about. Trump was diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency (CVI) back in July, after he was spotted at multiple public events with heavily swollen ankles.

Trump has been nursing that particular affliction for a while now, and the latest sightings suggest he’s back to his preferred method of concealment, which is a generous coat of makeup slathered over whatever’s happening underneath. Will it fool anyone? Highly unlikely. Will it stop people from bringing it up? Even less so. But sure, let’s all play along. As long as foreign dignitaries remember to go easy on the grip.