Donald Trump channels his inner Simpsons villain a little more with each passing day, and it seems he’s finally ready to fully embrace his cartoonish alter-ego.
For years, Trump has been fulfilling decades worth of Simpsons predictions, but he’s taking things to a fresh level of hell with his latest campaign promise. Since it seems brazen promises to perform impossible tasks like eliminating inflation completely, single-handedly bringing peace to both Europe and the Middle East, or deporting American citizens aren’t winning over enough fresh fans, Trump’s just opting for full supervillain.
The absolute joke of a presidential candidate put out yet another list of policy points in early July, and the all-caps message quickly spread through his cultish devotees and onto the rest of the country. Included on his list of unexplained, largely impossible promises were several expected additions — claims that he’ll “secure our elections” and “strengthen” our military even more — but nestled in among a laundry list of already-laughable claims was one so hare-brained it seems most people skimmed right past it.
But not yours truly. Crammed in between Trump’s promises to “prevent World War Three” and “end the weaponization of government,” the utter toddler also swore to “build a great iron dome missile defense shield over our entire country — all made in America.”
I’m sorry… what? Did this actual presidential candidate just promise to give the entire United States the Westview treatment, but with the bonus of a massive, towering, opaque shield over it? I have too many questions to list.
OK, in all seriousness, DJT is likely referencing potential missile defense systems, though he declines to specify particulars or feasibility. But still, let’s commit to the bit, and peer into his fantasy world, since we wouldn’t put it past him to believe in a literal structure. Is this iron dome in the room with us? Will there be windows? Humans need sunlight to survive, but more importantly so do plants — you know, the things that grow our food and also provide oxygen for us to breathe. Also shouldn’t the decision on whether or not to trap ourselves in a massive metal container be left to the states, something Trump has trump-eted for years? What if Texas really does decide to secede? Will it just demolish its portion of the dome, or is it still invited inside America’s not-so-secret hidey hole? What about Hawaii and Alaska, will they be included? Puerto Rico?!?
Also, if you’re planning on pouring even more tax dollars into strengthening the military, exactly why do we need a ridiculous dome in the first place? In which case and perhaps most importantly, what in all the holy hells is the infrastructure cost on something like this? How tall will the dome be? Will it reach the ocean, or are we eliminating our beaches through this endeavor too?
Good god, how hot would it get in there, slowly cooking inside a massive metal pot? Is that actually Trump’s entire plan, to roast the nation’s working brains into the same mushy grey matter that so many of his supporters have nestled between their ears?
All joking aside, though, it’s an absolutely insane, singularly unhinged, absolutely, unabashedly bonkers policy point, in any case, one that seems notionally modeled on the Star Wars missile defense system of the Cold War ‘80s, a nostalgic throwback to the militarized pseudoscience of the Reagan era. There’s absolutely no way Trump could ever, in a million years, pull this off, and yet he’s breezily promising it like it will be as simple as issuing another few hundred pardons. It’s also completely on-brand for the failed businessman, failed politician, and soon-to-be failed candidate.
Lying comes easier to Trump than breathing, so I’m sure that wild, ridiculous idea came as simply to Trump as any number of manic 3am tweets. He may not even remember promising it, come time for the next debate, but I will. I will always remember that Trump wanted to reenact the Simpson’s Movie but dumber, by replacing things like access to the sky, view of the stars, sunlight, and non-recycled air with a 4 million square mile dome made out of lead.