Screech! Howl! Hiss! Did someone hit a nerve? Nope, it’s just Marjorie Taylor Greene wailing like a banshee after a dad pardoned his own son.
It’s been another eye-rolling week in American politics, thanks in large part to actual idiots testing the bounds of their missing hippocampi. As Marj continues flapping her gums and doing nothing of value, Pete Hegseth is dealing with the aftermath of his MAGA mommy admitting that he’s a woman-mistreating family embarrassment (yikes). Mama Hegseth is now trying to clean up the mess her precious baby has made (how convenient), taking all the heat so young Petey can continue his quest for “Secretary of Defense Defense,” as Trump calls it.
Donald, meanwhile, has a lot to answer for, namely closing in on another potential swamp monster for SoDD should Hegseth not work out, as well as whatever that Mar-a-Lago Thanksgiving “feast” was. From where I’m sitting, it looks like it was whipped up by the world’s most downtrodden nursing home kitchen staff. I guess when you’re busy plotting to annex Canada, there’s no time to worry about trivial things like $350 turkey. Watch out, Justin Trudeau — you might be demoted to a lowly position in the Divided States of Crapmerica if Dumpty gets his way.
But the real MVP of this week’s circus? Nick Fuentes, the sad-sack excuse of a human being totally devoid of humanity and respect for women. He somehow still thinks his hot takes are relevant when really all they scream is “institutionalize me.” The clown car has reached max capacity, folks, so let’s get into the nitty-gritty of what these deeply inhumane imbeciles said and did this week.
Two screeching weasels decry Biden’s move to pardon his son, but Mark Hamill swoops in with damning receipts
President Joe Biden’s decision to issue a sweeping pardon to his son Hunter this week was a shock to the system for Democrats and Republicans alike. His previous claims that he would avoid a pardon have led pretty much every Republican to dub him a liar, but no one was as outraged over the move as bitter backwater banshee Marjorie Taylor Greene.
In between requesting her own pardon — for the second time, I might add — and wailing about the unfairness of a decision that doesn’t directly affect her, Marj has been continuing her trend of chattering non-stop about Hunter instead of doing, you know, her job. Lauren Boebert has followed suit, going so far as to rub her two brain cells together long enough to form a single coherent thought. Both of their voices are soundly overwhelmed by that of Mark Hamill, however, who accurately noted that, in comparison to the people Trump pardoned, Hunter is “an absolute angel.”
Pete Hegseth calls on mommy dearest to salvage his soundly tarnished image
Just when it looked like Pete Hegseth’s bid for Secretary of Defense Defense couldn’t get any more ludicrous, the real poop hit the fan. The New York Times dropped a juicy 2018 takedown of the Fox News personality, and best — or worst — of all, it was penned by the man’s own mother. She soundly addressed his status as a cheating, womanizing scumbag who uses his power to abuse women and openly derided him for being an embarrassment. Get this guy a government position!
Just when it seemed like it couldn’t get any worse to be a Hegseth, the family cranked that awkward dial up to an 11. The leaked letter pushed Mama Hegseth to play defense, and she’s been doing the talk show rounds to blame everyone but her son for his bad public image ever since. It’s kind of inspiring to see the lengths a mother will go to protect her son, but when Mommy has to step in to salvage her abusive baby boy’s chance at a job he’s unqualified for — under a boss he has openly bashed in the past — you know the exit sign is flashing red. Trump has both eyed a replacement in Ron DeSantis and insisted that Heggy is a “WINNER,” so we have yet to see just how bombastically this house of cards will fall.
To get the rest of the piping-hot tea, which this week includes Mitch McConnell knighting himself King of All Hypocrites and Trump threatening to invade Canada, be sure to sign up for WGTC’s They Said What?! Newsletter.