Laura Loomer laments she’s not one of the ’10s with perfect bodies,’ but brags to MTG that she’s Donald Trump’s ‘loyal woman’

The 2004 cinematic classic Alien vs. Predator gave us a valuable lesson that you can often apply to politics: “Whoever wins, we lose”. In the wake of the Epstein files release, MAGA is tearing itself apart as it struggles to square the impossible circle of fighting against corrupt pedophiles while its leadership is largely composed of corrupt pedophiles.

But let’s zero in on two particularly fierce combatants. In the blue corner, hailing from the great state of Georgia, delivering pure unfiltered fire and standing 5’3″ of straight-up confrontation… the former U.S. Representative for Georgia’s 14th District… the queen of no-holds-barred truth bombs… the one, the only… MARJORIE… TAYLOR… GREEEEEENE! *airhorns honk*

In the red corner, storming in from the Sunshine State with the rage of a thousand delusions, bringing us unfiltered (and possibly unmedicated!) chaos, the winner of the 2025 Jigsaw lookalike contest, proud owner of an “Askenazi IQ” and other impressive assets… LAURA LOOOOOOOMER! (Loomer, Loomer, Loomer)

The two have long been at each other’s throats, though things stepped up a gear yesterday with a truly brutal salvo. Round one! Fight! *ding ding ding*

Has Laura Loomer received her hard pass WH press credentials yet?
Late night phone calls are for side pieces.
Laura deserves to be treated so much better.
She loves Trump the most! It’s not fair!
There are Muslim foreign press with WH hard passes, but they keep Laura out! https://t.co/D1FixrwF7r

— Former Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@FmrRepMTG) February 18, 2026

“Late night phone calls are for side pieces. Laura deserves to be treated so much better. She loves Trump the most! It’s not fair! There are Muslim foreign press with WH hard passes, but they keep Laura out!”

“It’s just so unfair”

Oof. That’ll leave a ringing in Loomer’s ears! Green pressed the attack:

Poor Larry. She has put in the work. All those facial plastic surgeries and weight loss to achieve the Fox News look. It’s just so unfair. They put the foreign press even the Muslims ahead of her!
Alas the outrage.

— Former Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@FmrRepMTG) February 18, 2026

“Poor Larry. She has put in the work. All those facial plastic surgeries and weight loss to achieve the Fox News look. It’s just so unfair. They put the foreign press even the Muslims ahead of her! Alas the outrage.”

But Loomer was far from KO’d, hitting back with:

Marjorie Traitor Greene is so angry I exposed her for what she is.

Now she’s attacking my appearance and my weight. Oh well.

We can’t all be 10s with perfect bodies, but at least I’m not a traitor.

I’ve always been a loyal woman. 🥰

MTG’s ex husband and President Trump… https://t.co/Y098lpHVZ2

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) February 18, 2026

“Marjorie Traitor Greene is so angry I exposed her for what she is. Now she’s attacking my appearance and my weight. Oh well. We can’t all be 10s with perfect bodies, but at least I’m not a traitor. I’ve always been a loyal woman. MTG’s ex husband and President Trump can’t say the same about her.”

Greene responded, once again jabbing at Loomer for not being allowed into official press conferences:

Hahahaaaa!!!! Yessss!!!! Keep these posts coming!!!! Freaking hysterical

— Dani♡Marie (@MissyMeDanielle) February 19, 2026

“No sign of poor Laura Loomer! How can Laura demand WWIII if they don’t treat her legitimately and give her what she deserves, a hard pass to the WH press briefing room. No not the new media chair. No not the temporary pass.”

As the final round ended, there was no knockout but… Wait. The judges are conferring. *taps ear* Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Got it. It’s official, Greene has won on points and remains the undisputed queen of conservative sniping on X. And the crowd goes wild!