Is Lauren… wait, no surprise here — it’s Congresswoman Lauren Boebert, getting too cozy mirroring her dear leader’s famously incoherent rhetoric.
It seems there’s a certain comfort some find in the echo chambers of their ideological forebears, or should we say, their “fear-bears?” This phenomenon is as old as fascism itself – goons loyally follow their dear leader. However, even when the ship’s sinking and even Putin might be eyeing the lifeboats, Boebert stands firm to justify supporting a losing cause. At a recent rally in Aurora, Colorado, ahead of Donald Trump, Boebert took the stage and painted a dystopian future if the former president is not re-elected to the audience.
What specific pearls of wisdom did Boebert impart at this illustrious gathering? Apparently, the upcoming election is like a “choose-your-own-adventure novel,” except in this one, your options are a booming economy with prosperity (achieved by growing kiwis…and rice, naturally) and freedom under Trump (because, of course, he is the guardian against Democrats’ alleged baby-killing spree) or watching our country fall apart and “be handed over to tyrants and dictators by Kamala Harris faster than Hunter Biden trying to scurry out of a laptop repair shop.”
Sweet baby Jesus. First off, kudos to Boebert for coming up with such complex strings of words on her own. But alas, her clumsy attempts at grandstanding came across more like “FREE-DUMB”, “MOCK-SPERITY”, and “DEMON-CRAZY.” As for her claims of economic growth, Mark Cuban has already crunched the numbers on who can truly boost prosperity...so, naturally, we’re not exactly holding our breath for Boebert’s economic insights.
The secondhand embarrassment radiating from Boebert’s speech was so intense, it could’ve registered on the Richter scale. Social media wasted no time roasting her cringe-worthy performance.
One user succinctly summed up the general consensus:
…And the burning question on everyone’s mind:
It’s a fair question. Al Franken, the former U.S. Senator from Minnesota, faced multiple allegations of sexual harassment and groping, which surfaced in 2017 during the #MeToo movement, while Katie Hill, representing California’s 25th Congressional District, was accused of inappropriate relationships with staffers. The situation was complicated by the release of private photos, leading to Hill’s resignation under pressure. And yet somehow, Boebert, who has her own history of questionable behavior (like her “groping” incident), remains in office, free to continue her shenanigans and incoherent court-side Twitter rants.
It’s no wonder that Boebert’s constituents are rolling their eyes. A whopping 55% of voters think she’s more obsessed with the spotlight than, you know, actual governance. She barely clung to her seat in 2022, eking out a win against her Democratic challenger by a mere 546 votes from a staggering 327,000 cast. Her arch-nemesis, Trisha Calvarese, sliced and diced her during their now-infamous debate at the Beetlejuice theater. But does Boebert have the self-awareness to feel shame?
Doubtful, considering it took her four tries to pass the GED, and she’s too busy live-tweeting while attending her son’s court hearings. Boebert’s 19-year-old son, Tyler, on Oct. 10, pleaded guilty to charges related to vehicle theft and property crimes. He originally faced 22 charges, including identity theft and conspiracy, and could have spent up to three years behind bars.
According to Court News Service, Mama Boebert showed up to her boy’s hearing, reportedly “rocking her grandson on her hip.” Quite the image rehab, and well, it’s a marginal improvement…over doling out “favors” to grown men in theaters. At this rate, she might just evolve into a halfway decent human by the time her great-grandkids are old enough to read her (and their father’s) arrest records.