Melania officially AWOL, making Trump now also America’s First Lady

Wherefore art thou, Melania? During the first Trump administration, Melania Trump’s extended and unexplained absences became hot political gossip, with some theorizing the White House had hired a lookalike to stand in for her at public events. Now, with Trump 2.0, that trend has intensified to the point where Donald Trump himself is effectively acting as First Lady.

In an article titled “A Most Sensitive Subject in the White House: Where Is Melania?“, the New York Times points out that Melania has spent fewer than 14 days at the White House since the inauguration, spends much of her time in Manhattan or Mar-a-Lago, and has all but stopped performing the duties expected of a First Lady.

Someone has to take up the slack, and Donald himself has proved he’s more than happy to moonlight as FLOTUS. As per the article, Trump has taken charge of the White House decoration (judging by the amount of gold ornamentation and trinkets in the Oval Office we can believe it!), is busily figuring out new flower arrangements for the Rose Garden, personally greets tour groups in the East Wing, and took charge of hosting a reception for Women’s History Month.

America’s first POTUS FLOTUS

Honestly, Trump sounds way more in his element as First Lady than he does in the boring job of President. Whatever your opinions on his gaudy aesthetic, images of his apartments and hotels underline that he’s got strong opinions about interior design and landscaping, so we’re betting he was happy as a clam poring through swatches, leafing through catalogues, and gossiping with decorators.

Melania must be overjoyed she doesn’t have to worry about this stuff. It’s been underlined that she’s been repeatedly humiliated by her husband’s antics, particularly the Stormy Daniels controversy. On top of that, the two assassination attempts last year are said to have “deeply spooked” her, as she’s increasingly paranoid about her family’s safety.

And, let’s face it, even when Melania was actively trying as First Lady she wasn’t very good at it. Her speeches were stilted, plagiarized, and unconvincing. And who could forget her bizarre choice in Christmas decorations, which left the White House looking like something out of a Tim Burton movie:

Remember the scary decorations Melania Trump put up in the White House for Halloween?
Oops, sorry . . . wrong holiday. This was Christmas. And the theme was The Nightmare Before Christmas.#HappyHalloween pic.twitter.com/Zid5d005Yr

— BeeBee 🌊 🇺🇸 (@BeeBee5977) October 31, 2023

I say let Melania kick her heels up in Manhattan and do whatever she likes, and continue to let Trump indulge his First Lady passions. As a bonus, the more he spends in FLOTUS mode the less time he’ll have to rip apart the fabric of the country with his bizarre pronouncements and acts of economic self-harm!