Every election cycle is stressful, but the 2024 election is set to make alcoholics of us all. Americans are deeply in their feelings in the lead up to the big day, and we’re seeking out any distraction we can find.
On TikTok, that distraction comes in many forms, from silly trends and tantalizing tea to captivating story times, but one trend is reigning supreme at this vital moment in history. Rather than shy away from any discussion of the election, a bulk of users are leaning into it — we’ll have a dry January, okay? — and embracing the panic with an unhinged, distinctly online zeal. They’re not gorging themselves on news or stress scrolling through endless political pundits, either, but rather leaning on the strange comedy that rears its head at the most unexpected of times.
On the video-sharing app, that humor is being communicated largely through song. Endless remixes have hit the web over the last year or so, as the embarrassing gaffes and viral moments of our politicians become bangers for the ages. Some of those songs have evolved into truly spectacular show-stoppers, and as a group they make up perhaps the best election playlist any American could ask for. Now you wouldn’t be here if Velveeta Voldemort was your intended candidate, so don’t expect these tracks to be bipartisan, but do expect them to stay stuck in your head long after the polls have closed.
TikTok’s best election bangers will be stuck in your head until Madame President takes office
I told you we weren’t going bipartisan here. If you’ve read any of my previous articles you know exactly how I feel about Trump and his moronic MAGA masses, so I didn’t include a single pro-dictator song on this list. If that’s what you were looking for you might want to seek out a separate publication (and maybe a working brain). If you, like me, are headed into this election with high hopes and dirt low expectations, however, I think you’ll find at least one song to obsess over as votes come trickling in.
“Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Body”
I think you can guess where this one is going. Jasmine Crockett’s immortal words are etched into all of our memories, thanks to the greatest slap-down the halls of Congress have seen in decades, and now those words are further immortalized through song. Bonus — you can track down the earworm of a track on Spotify, courtesy of the Remix Bros.
“I’m a Never Trump Guy”
The timeless words of JD Vance will haunt him forever, now that he’s sold his soul for political prominence. Those of us who can’t stand the sound of his voice will hang up our disgust for at least one listen of “Never Trump Guy,” thanks to the glorious stylings of those TikTok remix masters.
“Did you Vote?”
You can only hear so much of JD Vance’s oily tones or Donald Trump’s whining petulance before your stomach actually starts to turn, but don’t worry, there are plenty of bangers birthed from Kamala Harris’ various speaking appearances. Hell, this one came about in a random candid moment, and it still makes for a stellar dance break.
“Black Jobs”
Perhaps the best song on this list was actually brought about by Michelle and Barack Obama, rather than any of the candidates currently on the campaign trail. Their blistering speeches at the 2024 DNC spawned a truly award-worthy remix, and one we’ll be singing for years, no matter who wins or loses this election.
“Eating the Dogs, Eating the Cats”
Another Trump gaffe, this time from the second presidential debate, spurred the creation of a wholeheartedly mocking song titled after his brazenly false claims about immigrants eating pets in Springfield, Ohio. His assertions were nothing but lies, but the resulting song is nothing but vibes. Oh, and like “Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Body,” this one’s available to enjoy on Spotify, thanks to House of Evo, Casa Di (a common TikTok remixer), and Steve Terrell.
“Coconut Tree”
There are a few dozen separate remixes of Kamala Harris’ “coconut tree” comments floating around the internet, but if you ask me this one is easily the best. The beat is impeccable, that iconic Harris laugh makes up the tempo of the song, and you can’t help but laugh (and dance) right alongside our future president once the beat drops.
“Dance Party with Beyoncé”
At this point, Donny boy can hardly say anything without it getting the remix treatment. His comments about cultural icon Beyoncé are only the latest to inspire a song, and — despite his endlessly irritating voice — its a downright impossible not to enjoy his jealousy over the top-tier celebs flooding to show Harris their support.
“We’re Not Going Back”
Its far from the final politically-themed remix out there, but among the top tiers from which we’re pulling, its an easy choice to polish off our list. It doesn’t have the inherent danceability of “Coconut Tree” or the incredible editing potential of “Black Jobs,” but it does have one thing Americans are absolutely desperate for — it has hope. Hope for a better future, a better government, and a better president.