Republicans, take heart. Sure, you may be facing an uphill battle in the upcoming elections. And sure, your party may be fracturing under the weight of its own incompetence. But at least you have Kristi Noem, a deplorable puppy slayer extraordinaire, waiting in the wings to save the day.
The South Dakota leader has discovered that bragging about shooting a little puppy in cold blood is a prerequisite for the second-highest office in the land. Move over, policy discussions and leadership experience; it’s time for flexing acts of animal cruelty to win over the voters.
In her forthcoming book No Going Back, Noem recounts in gruesome detail how she executed her few-month-old hunting dog Cricket for the unforgivable crime of being too excited about chasing birds. Yes, you read that right — a puppy was “less than worthless” and deserving of death for acting like, well, a puppy. Apparently, this was too much for Noem to handle, leading her to label Cricket as “aggressive,” “untrainable,” and “dangerous.”
She decided that the only solution was to drag poor Cricket to a gravel pit and shoot her dead in front of a startled construction crew.
I know some bleeding-heart folks out there might say, “A 14-month-old puppy is just a baby!” or “Couldn’t she have found a more humane solution?” But that’s just typical Democrat talk, right? Real leaders like Kristi Noem understand that sometimes you have to make the “difficult, messy and ugly” decision to kill a puppy. It’s called being tough on crime, people!
She even defended her puppy-killing pitch for the Vice Presidency spot on Twitter.
It’s impressive how tone-deaf Noem manages to be. Of course, she just had to plug her book in the same tweet, because why let a good dog murder go to waste when you can use it to boost sales?
The truth is, this isn’t really about farming or hunting. It’s about appealing to a base that fetishizes violence. It’s about showing that you’re “tough” enough to make the “hard decisions,” even if those decisions involve executing innocent creatures. And apparently, it’s about selling books to people who think this kind of sociopathic behavior is admirable.
Naturally, Twitter is ablaze with reactions from voters, and spoiler alert — they’re not exactly thrilled, not even the MAGA supporters.
One user pointed out the absurdity of Noem’s actions.
It’s a fair question. Perhaps, she thought bragging about it would be good for her political resume.
Others took a more personal approach, sharing stories of their own challenging pets.
Most people understand that owning a pet comes with responsibilities and that resorting to violence is never the answer. A rather wild concept for Noem, I know. However, as the saying goes, “The measure of a society is how it treats its most vulnerable members.” Apparently, Noem’s measure is a bullet.
It seems even the MAGA fans are frustrated at the cold and dumb Republicans.
There was the time when Ted Cruz called Donald Trump a “sniveling coward” and a “pathological liar,” only to later phonebank for him like a good little soldier. Or how about when Marco Rubio made thinly veiled insinuations about Trump’s penis size on the debate stage? Truly, these are the kinds of principled stands that win elections.
But perhaps the most poignant tweet came from a user who pointed out the disturbing irony of Noem’s actions.
The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Noem and her defenders will go to the mat for a fetus, but a living, breathing creature? Apparently, that’s just an acceptable casualty in the pursuit of political power. And it’s not just Noem – the entire Republican party has built its brand on moral superiority, on the idea that they’re the guardians of life and family values. But time and time again, we see that their commitment to “life” extends only as far as it serves their agenda.
But perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised. After all, this is the same party that hitched its wagon to Donald Trump, a man who embodies the antithesis of every value they claim to hold dear. Family values? Please. Personal responsibility? Give me a break.
It’s no surprise that someone with such a callous disregard for animal life would be drawn to Donald Trump’s orbit. After all, birds of a feather flock together, and in this case, it seems that psychopaths do too. If Kristi Noem thinks that bragging about killing defenseless animals is the way to win the hearts of the American people, she’s got another thing coming. In fact, many would argue that her political career should be over before it even begins.
