‘You’re not even allowed to do that,’ whines Donald Trump, after Canada steals a move from his playbook

Donald Trump‘s trade war with Canada (and seemingly everyone else on the planet) is ramping up, and things are clearly not going as planned.

It’s easy to see how Trump intended his planned tariffs to go down, as he reacts in increasingly juvenile ways to the realities of a situation he created. In his shriveled, freeze-dried little brain, he assumed that only one reality would emerge from this debacle: He would enact tariffs, specifically targeting countries he wants something from, and — in order to maintain those sweet, sweet American goods — every nation would instantly fall in line. At which point he’d lift tariffs — chants of “thank you for saving us, Donald Trump” ringing through his empty head — and we’d breeze off into the sunset with a massive new state, a lucrative new canal, and a good chunk of Ukraine sectioned off for Russian expansion.

Unfortunately for Trump, reality is not so simple. Instead of just falling in line like they were supposed to, all these other countries have something called spines? It’s an unfamiliar structural addition in Trump’s world, given that his entire Cabinet is composed of science-defying billionaires who lack a single vertebrae between them, but those shiny steel spines are increasingly making an appearance thanks to world leaders across the globe.

And those world leaders are not playing Trump’s game. In response to the president’s targeted tariffs, several countries are hitting back — not the least of whom being America’s genteel northern neighbor. Canada, typically our kind and rational older cousin, is clapping back at Trump’s tariffs in kind, and it’s going to hit northern Americans hardest, as Canada enacts counter-tariffs and a hike in the prices of goods — including electricity — provided to the states.

As a result of Canada’s latest threat, power pumping into several northern states — including New York, Michigan, and Minnesota — is at risk of becoming far more expensive, or perhaps shutting off entirely. That much was made clear by Ontario Premier Doug Ford, who noted that the move could affect a good 1.5 million U.S. citizens, many of whom might see their incoming electric bills climb by a good $100 a month.

“If the United States escalates, I will not hesitate to shut the electricity off completely,” Ford said on March 10. “Believe me when I say I do not want to do this, I feel terrible for the American people, because it’s not the American people who started this trade war. It’s one person who’s responsible. That’s President Trump.”

Unfortunately for northern Americans, Trump is more than willing to put their wallets on the line for his pride. He responded to the escalating tensions with a petulant Truth Social post, blasting Canada as “a Tariff abuser.” In the post, Trump whined over the “25% surcharge on ‘electricity,’ of all things,” and pouted that “your[sic] not even allowed to do that.”

The childishness of Trump’s response is peak 2025, as we wade deeper into the cursed and callous new MAGA era. Newsflash buddy: Canada is “allowed” to do whatever it wants. It can withhold electricity, goods, and anything else in response to your tariffs, and just because you taunt and tease and tantrum doesn’t mean it’s going to reverse on it.

Trump’s assurance that “we’ll just get it all back on April 2” is by no means guaranteed, but as far as 47 is concerned its his reality — we’re just living in it. No doubt we’ll face an even more absurd tantrum when we pass April 2 without a massive American windfall, but only time will tell exactly how Trump will work to reshape reality in his favor this time.