After a nine-year absence from our screens, EXPEND4BLES marks the long-awaited return of the aging action icons in what’s been heralded as a return to former – as in, R-rated – glories.
The threequel made the disastrous mistake of opting for a PG-13 certification to attract a wider audience, which couldn’t have backfired much worse after it earned the least money and scored the worst reviews of the trilogy. As the wonderfully stupid tagline suggests, though, “They’ll Die When They’re Dead,” which might be happening sooner rather than later based on the severely undercooked fourth installment.
The second and third chapters flirted with self-parody on more than one occasion, roping in so many big-name guest stars that it bordered on the ridiculous, which arguably reached a head when Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Trench bellowed “Get to tha choppa!!!” during the last one’s climactic action sequence. EXPEND4BES wisely eschews that approach in favor of something approximating a back-to-basics approach, which provide the only bright spots of an otherwise interminable affair.
Sylvester Stallone’s Barney Ross, Jason Statham’s Lee Christmas, Dolph Lundgren’s Gunner Jensen, and Randy Couture’s Toll Road make up the legacy contingent, and they’re joined by 50 Cent adopting an even more ridiculous moniker as Easy Day. Megan Fox’s Gina, Levy Tran’s Lash, Tony Jaa’s Decha, Andy Garcia’s Marsh, and Jacob Scipio’s Galan are the rest of the newbies, with the latter boasting a direct connection to a former Expendable that’s espoused by way of an eerily-accurate impression.
The plot, which is hardly the selling point of the franchise, involves Iko Uwais’ renegade mercenary Suarto Rahmat stealing nuclear warheads for a mysterious overlord named Ocelot, who Barney dealt with a quarter of a century prior. Suffice to say, the “twist” as to who exactly that turns out to be is pretty well signposted within the first act, although there is at least a secondary rug-pull that comes completely out of the blue, but not in a good way given how convenient and contrived it feels.
Stallone has made it clear this is his last Expendables, and the pass is torched in more ways than one to Statham, who acquits himself about as well as you’d expect for a man of his talents. As charming and charismatic as ever, the grizzled veteran injects much-needed urgency into a story that never truly gets going or even means anything, and only he could get away with calling somebody a “silly sausage” right before they get brutally killed.
However, he’s exiled from the crew for defying a direct order, creating dual-wielding subplots that find Christmas on his own trying to accomplish the exact same mission as the rest of the gang. As a result, Megan Fox steps in to become the leader of the Expendables, something nobody could have predicted when the gun-toting saga was just starting out.
She and Statham do their best to pretend they have chemistry, and an early fight/love scene wins a couple of points for inventiveness, but it always feels as though director Scott Waugh is operating under the impression that audiences are a great deal more invested in the lore of The Expendables than they actually are. Barney’s lucky ring gets more screentime than the majority of the background cast members, and we get yet another segue of Couture explaining his cauliflower ears. It’s supposed to be cute, but it serves only to slow the pace.
Of course, the real reason anyone wants to see an Expendables flick is for the carnage, and on that front the fourth chapter does deliver occasionally. Setting the entire third act on a boat is certainly a choice if not exactly an inspired one, lending almost the last hour an unappealing visual palate of browns, blacks, and greys that’s only punctuated by the odd explosion or frequent geyser of gushing blood, to say nothing of the dismal green screen that looks ripped right out of the mid-1990s.
Speaking of which, for a production estimated to have cost $100 million, the CGI is nothing short of abominable. The visuals are garish, unconvincing, and sometimes plain ugly, slathering what should have been an exceedingly extended wish-fulfillment sequence of the good guys absolutely slaughtering the baddies into the sort of drab, dull soup of bland nothingness that once in a while finds itself elevated above mediocrity based entirely on the talent of the people performing the stunts.
On a similar note, anyone expecting EXPEND4BLES to be the Hollywood movie that finally weaponizes Uwais and Jaa to their maximum potential will be left sorely disappointed, with the martial arts icons once again only given fleeting moments to shine amongst the banality of a by-the-numbers shoot ’em up that has the benefit of being tethered to an IP that’s already earned $800 million at the box office and little else. Otherwise, you’ll have seen almost the exact same thing countless times over, and in a lot of vastly superior movies.
The franchise was never intended to be anything more than the cinematic equivalent of smashing action figures together and watching your favorite stars of days gone by doing what they do best all in the same frame, but even that barely manages to pass muster when the banter is so forced, the one-liners so stale, and the performances almost uniformly unengaging. Formulaic to a fault, and competently made without being close to spectacular, it’s a big budget sequel that may as well have been cobbled together by AI given how predictable and forgettable it manages to be all at once.
The Expendables is far from high art, but it’s safe to say the saga has never hit a lower point than it has here, a crushing disappointment for anyone genuinely hoping for the return to form that was promised and demanded. If there is a fifth film, and it’s a very big if at this stage, then it’ll be time to tear up the rule book and start all over again, because there’s very little this one manages to get right.
Published: Sep 21, 2023 05:00 pm