‘$3 though?’: TikToker reminisces on the time his mom got drunk and listed his brother for sale on eBay

On some level, it is entirely necessary that all of us, for our own sakes, experience complete ego death at some point in our lives. Change often demands destruction as a mercurial crucible, and only when the universe decides to humble us in an un-eclipsable way are we put on the path to becoming the best versions of ourselves.

In saying that, it’s not immediately clear when the brother of TikTok‘s @insertjuicebox happened upon such an acclimation, but we can probably assume that his ego is still in the rebuild phase right now; knowing that your mother once listed you for sale on eBay for three dollars — and drunkenly dubbed you “lava lamp” on top of that — isn’t something you just bounce back from.

The six-second video above has all the information you need; an LFG delivered in the most appropriate tone possible for this nonsense, and a photo of the item for sale in question. Given @insertjuicebox’s age, it’s safe to assume that this is a much older photo of his brother, and he wasn’t actually a baby when this all went down; otherwise, this would probably be the most severe motherhood heel-turn in history.

Also, can we talk about how absolutely furious this baby looks? He couldn’t have been more than a few months old in that picture, and that is still the single most fed-up individual I will probably see all day. I feel you buddy; from a nice, toasty womb to a loud dystopia full of global warming and crapping one’s pants? I’d be pissed, too.

It paid off, though; the photo has since gone viral on TikTok, with various users setting it as their profile picture in an effort to grow the “Lava Lamp Cult,” as @insertjuicebox calls it. It seems that 10,000 inductees into the movement will unlock a face reveal for the TikToker’s brother, who has hopefully cheered up by now.

I’m sure the brother and the mother have made peace over this by now, too. After all, he was never actually in any danger of being sold. According to eBay’s policy, humans, human body parts, and anything made from human bodies are not allowed for sale on their website, and I probably just got put on many government watchlists in order to find and bring you this information, so you’d better be grateful.

In closing, don’t try and pass your children off as lava lamps, keep an eye out for a face reveal that will be relevant for about half a second, and make sure you have a very good explanation ready for your baby if you plan on bringing one into the world; it’s a hard sales pitch, but a necessary one.