‘Good lord stop trying’: Woman’s MIL still calls her an ‘outsider’ after 3 years of marriage

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after she failed to win over her mother-in-law, who still insists on treating her like an outsider after three years of marriage. But the bigger question is: where’s her husband in all of this?

Posting under the username PlentyConnection260 on the “Just No MIL” subreddit, a forum dedicated to venting and seeking advice about difficult in-laws, the woman laid out years of quiet hostility and one-sided effort with her MIL. Sharing how her MIL still feels uncomfortable with her, she wrote, “They don’t initiate conversations with me unless I reach out first.”

“I’m an introvert by nature—I can open up when I feel positive vibes, but with them, especially my MIL, I never do.”

But her frustrations weren’t just about silence. She recalled countless family visits where her MIL openly excluded her from basic courtesies. “Whenever we visit, she’ll ask everyone what they’d like to eat, especially her son, but never me,” she explained. And any attempt by the OP to assert herself was reportedly met with taunts, criticism, or dismissiveness.

Even calls became a source of tension: despite her husband speaking with his mother daily, the MIL demanded separate calls from her daughter-in-law. “I’ve stopped because I’m tired of one-sided communication,” she confessed. Adding fuel to the resentment, the MIL allegedly engaged in body-shaming, health-shaming, and constant comparisons, even belittling her ability to manage her household or “take care” of her 36-year-old husband.

 Once, she directly told me I’m an outsider and it’s my responsibility to keep in touch.

Fed up, the OP pulled back to preserve her mental health, but the result was “cold, negative vibes” from her MIL. “Honestly, I hate pretentious, one-sided relationships,” she admitted, before asking Reddit if she was overreacting.

The community was quick to rally around her. Comments flooded in describing the MIL as “selfish and rude,” urging the woman to “stop trying” and give herself “the gift of freedom from her nonsense.” One user highlighted the long-term consequences and warned her: “If she doesn’t have a relationship with you, she won’t have a relationship with your kids.”

Others shifted the spotlight onto the husband, whose lack of intervention struck many as the real issue. Naturally, it’s the husband’s job to shield his wife from his family’s toxicity, but he appears to be MIA. Still, the consensus by Redditors was clear: the woman’s MIL has no interest in a genuine connection, and her best option may be stepping away from the relationship altogether.