I often wonder if we as a species have become too comfortable with sharing deeply personal information with complete strangers on the internet, and nowhere is this more apparent than on TikTok — it’s become a place where people will literally share anything.
In this case, a TikToker by the name of @Texasgirl has decided to share the grand news that she’s expecting. Although it’s not a real baby she’s expecting, no no, she’s expecting a “poop baby,” as she calls it. I don’t really think I need to do much more explaining than that. You know how it is, sometimes a poop just won’t come, other times it just slides out with you hardly even trying. If you’re eating, just stop a sec while we get into the gritty details. So, this poop baby is apparently so large that it’s stuck, and it’s so bad that she actually had to be taken to the hospital.
This poop baby is no joke
The delivery time is expected to be 7 A.M. and rather than flush it out or perform any kind of procedure, the doctors have decided to try and deliver the oversized stool like an actual baby, “they’re going to get the bars and the straps and I’m going to lean back like I’m giving labor with my legs spread.” I’m not sure if this is the standard procedure for this kind of thing, and to be honest, I hope I never have to find out.
She isn’t alone, though; her husband is there for moral support, he offered to hold her hand during the ordeal and even offered to record it. Honestly, hearing about it is enough though, I feel like laying eyes on this monstrous turd could drive anyone to insanity.
The comments were a mix of people sharing their sympathies for the pain this woman was about to go through, along with a few who thought she should have maybe kept this story in the drafts, but hey, it’s out there now. Some disturbed individuals asked for a part 2 and I’ve got the perfect name for it: “Poop baby: Folie à doo-doo.”
Anyways, we did get a little update explaining just how she was able to push the poop baby out and it sounds insane.
Honestly it sounds so ridiculous it’s difficult to tell how much of the story is true. In another video she makes some pretty exaggerated claims about the size as well as saying it weighed 2 pounds and 3 ounces. Did you know there’s a place that pays for poop? I wonder how much she’d get for this monster of a specimen.
What is this woman eating? I have to admit it is pretty impressive, but I bet that’s not the biggest poop somebody’s ever done. As a matter of fact, the largest poop ever recorded belonged to an 8th century Viking, the calcified turd was found in the U.K. and is 20 cm (8 inches) long and 5 cm (2 inches) wide. It’s not so much the length, but the width that’s impressive.
Either way, it seems like congratulations are in order, it’s not every day somebody gives birth to a poop baby, I wonder if it was a boy or a girl? On top of that this woman can also say she has something in common with an 8th century Viking.