Well, folks, the dark harvest has officially begun. For decades now, we’ve allowed our society to creep towards increasingly inhumane and unsustainable systems for collecting and distributing food and other needs, and despite what awareness and initiatives have taken place to fight back against this trajectory, food waste and cruel and unusual treatment of animals are realities that continue to prevail.
But no more. We humans have proven that we are unfit to run this planet for far too long, and so the animals have all decided to join forces and march upon the capital, choosing the farmland owned by TikTok‘s @hen_stefani as ground zero for this brave new world.
The image is perfect; the live aftermath of the Battle of Farmer’s Residence, complete with dirt, bags of food on the ground, violated kitchen appliances, and various victory grunts from the Animal Kingdom’s special ops team (namely, a pig, a couple of ducks, and Twister the miniature cow). Shortly after, it cuts to footage of the beginning of the offensive.
A goat opens the attack with a blunt force headbutt to the front door, weakening the vanguard of Stefani’s fortress and ensuring that his comrades have a path to victory. A squadron of chickens and additional goats follow suit, pouring all of their resources into tarnishing the human’s supports (i.e. rendering their bed uninhabitable with a turd or five and then snacking on the available plants to drain the battlefield of personality). Finally, Twister, the aforementioned mini-cow whose bravery at the Battle of Farmer’s Residence earned him the title “Destructicon,” orchestrated a coordinated attack on the wider rooms together with the Animal Kingdom’s llama black ops division.
The closing moments of the video reveals that there was a singular outlier in this fuzzy, four-legged mutiny in Fiona the alpaca, who refused to enter the house on account of her rather destructive statist politics. Way to wind up on the wrong side of history, Fiona.
Commenters were quick to liken the incident to George Orwell’s anti-Stalinist satire Animal Farm, which documents a group of farm animals rising up against their owner, and who then proceed to create a free society where all animals can live in harmony with themselves and the environment. But then along comes a totalitarian pig named Napoleon, who plunges the farm into a dictatorship. Rumors are already circulating that Animal Farm will be outlawed under the Animal Kingdom regime, although word at the henhouse is that this is false propaganda being circulated by Fiona.
The picture that Animal Farm paints, after all, is one that is grounded in reasonable science, given that it’s the pigs who take over leadership positions in the story. Per World Animal Protection, pigs are well-known as highly intelligent animals who boast the likes of problem-solving abilities (the pigs likely identified that the goat would be able to get the door open, and enlisted him as such), a relatively sharp memory (the pigs likely had some memory of where the bedroom was and ordered the goats to strike there first), and the ability to learn rather complex tasks (such as the census filing that will probably take place after the war is won).
And if you thought this was bad, just wait until they release footage out of Australia; the headlines across the airwaves point towards the most recent kangaroo sting operation, which reportedly went a bit too well, and has subsequently led to paranoia and species-specific factions all across the Outback. It’s a dire theater indeed.