Once upon a time, your grandparents used to stay up late weekends to watch Saturday Night Live. And one of the more popular sketches on the show was “Land Shark,” a parody of the blockbuster film Jaws, in which the apex predator had not only learned how to walk on land but had also learned to disguise itself as a candygram delivery service. But now it seems reality has begun to imitate the fevered imaginations of coked-out comedy writers, as Sir David “Dicky” Attenborough explains in his series The Great Barrier Reef that walking sharks are real.
The shark in question is the Epaulette shark, a species of longtailed carpet shark found off the coast of Australia. As Dicky explains in his reassuringly educated British tone, they enter the shallows of the Great Barrier Reef in search of food, walking around by using its four fins to paddle forward through less than an inch of water along the ground:
Don’t worry, people on social media were immediately on the case, keeping an eye out for any instances of landsharks making their way further inland:
And “Johnny Quick Thumbs” was sure to share a PSA on the need to prevent sharks from evolving into air-breathing creatures, reminding us that all species had their chance and some blew it:
And the official account of Shark Week took the opportunity to plug a special on Epaulette Sharks they just happened to be airing tonight. Leading us to ask the obvious question: Aside from CEO David Zaslav, how long have sharks been in charge of programming at Discovery Plus, and what is their end game?
As sharks continue to walk on land it’s important to remember to never ever allow them to open Twitter accounts, because if they know we’re making fun of them, it’s all over for us.