‘Never ever mess with Simon’s spice rack’: Dad throws father of all fits when he returns from vacation to get a shock in his kitchen

Every father has little mechanisms, arrangements, and comfort doohickeys, whose adjustment is reserved for him. These can include thermostats, the angle of a leather recliner, and the number of Bud Light cans in the fridge at any given time.

All would be unwise to mess with, but not quite as unwise as messing with Simon’s spice rack, at which point you might as well punch him in the face while telling him how much you hate him, given his reaction here.

Captured by TikTok‘s @elliebratt, the 33-second video puts even the most grotesque true crime stories to shame. With righteous indignation Simon makes very clear that putting the Thai 7 Spice mix between onion salt and mixed peppercorn is utter blasphemy; indeed, everyone knows it belongs in between sumac and za’atar.

But the barbaric handling of the spice rack doesn’t end there; Simon goes on to let us all know that mixed peppercorn goes in between mixed herbs and mixed spice, like any truly civilized spice hoarder should know. Get it together, people! Simon is going to need some intense thermostat therapy at this rate!

For those of you who rarely venture beyond salt and pepper, Simon’s advanced spice game might seem a bit intimidating; I mean, sumac? Za’atar? Where would those come into play?

Well, here’s a bit of a crash course; sumac is derived from a subtropical flower of the same name, gives food a tarty, lemon-esque flavor, and is used in many Middle Eastern and Central Asian recipes. Za’atar, meanwhile, is the name of a Mediterranean herb often mixed with sesame seeds, sumac, salt, and other such spices to create a variety of flavors in many North African and Middle Eastern dishes.

But za’atar goes beyond such dishes, too; according to maureenabood.com, za’atar is versatile enough to find a flavorful home on the likes of fried eggs, salads, vegetables, chicken, breads, and potatoes. So, when in doubt, slap some za’atar on your meal and you’ve likely got yourself a winner.

So when Simon tells you that it is completely and utterly unacceptable to be changing up za’atar’s neighbors on the spice rack—and, indeed, messing with the system in any way, shape, form, or fashion—you’d best pay attention so that we don’t end up in such a daunting state of affairs again. Setting the neighborhood on fire would be more acceptable.