I don’t know about the rest of you, but I aspire to one day have so glaringly few problems in my life, that I can afford to channel whatever indignation I have left towards someone on Instagram who happens to share my name; a name I acquired through marriage to a stupendously wealthy family, no less.
That’s precisely the life that one Katherine Asplundh seems to be living right now; having apparently just married into the Asplundh family (who reportedly have a collective net worth of $3 billion dollars; more on that later), the next step was to update her Instagram handle to reflect her new surname. If you’re unable to imagine her horror when she discovered that the handle she had in mind was already taken by another Katherine Asplundh, not to worry; TikTok‘s @nosybystanders has captured the saga in full, and by golly, does Mrs. Asplundh ever take some bold swings in this exchange.
What begins as a friendly message asking if the OG Katherine Asplundh can change and/or sell her handle (a message that’s met met with an equally friendly decline) eventually turns into an accusation that the OG Katherine is only pretending to be named Katherine, followed by empty threats by the newly-minted Katherine Asplundh to report the OG Katherine for fraud, demanding proof that the OG Katherine actually is named Katherine Asplundh, and whipping out what she seems to believes is a gotcha moment in claiming that her new family is the only Asplundh family in the United States. This moment is countered when the OG Katherine reveals that she is one of billions of people in the world who does not live in the United States. Furthermore, not once does it seem to occur to Mrs. Asplundh that her new name can be reflected in handles other than the one she’s harassing OG Katherine for.
Needless to say, Mrs. Asplundh’s crusade didn’t end the way she hoped, with the OG Katherine gifting her nothing more than two reports (one for harassment, and one for trying to persuade her into selling her username; a bannable offense in the world of Instagram) as the spoils of this particular war. If Mrs. Asplundh hopes to make it in the influencer business, she may want to sharpen her bartering skills, and perhaps her attitude as a whole.
The U.S. Asplundh family — who has ties to Dr. Mehmet Oz of The Dr. Oz Show — owes their worth to Asplundh Tree Expert; a company founded in 1928 that specializes in tree trimming and other utility-centric services. Ownership of the company is divided amongst 200 members of the Asplundh family.
Ownership of OG Katherine’s Instagram handle, however, remains as undivided as ever, much to the dismay of the Asplundh family’s newest member.