Virtually every day, there is an unbelievable Florida Man headline that captivates everyone’s attention, to the point the phrase has become, since the early 2010s, forever etched into meme culture.
Florida Man always finds a way to outdo himself in a way that is frequently impressive, fewer times enviable. If he’s getting arrested, it’s not just the crime itself that baffles everyone but the unusual details, which add that extra spice you know could only have been the product of one extraordinary kind of American man.
One Florida Man and drug dealer called the police because a client ran off with his money, promptly getting charged with several drug-related felonies. Another kept calling the police about their roommate for allegedly having stolen their marijuana. A few years back, after ingesting bath salts, he bit chunks off another man’s face.
Those are but a few of the headlines. Here are some of the craziest Florida Man stories that have forever solidified him in internet culture as an incomparable icon.
“Florida Man Trapped in Unlocked Closet For Two Days”
This is actually a Florida couple’s case, but it belongs – the whole world knows by now how Florida women are also capable of producing the most outrageous headlines.
John Arwood, 31, and Amber Campbell, 25, were found in a janitor’s closet on the Daytona State College campus. They had spent a few days “trapped” in there after, according to them, an unknown assailant chased them to the college, prompting them to pick this hiding spot.
Naturally, they attempted to get out during those two days, but to no avail. Desperate, they called the police to come rescue them. When authorities located the couple, it turned out no key was needed. The door had been unlocked the entire time. Even so, the couple had suffered, having had no option – that they were aware of – but to relieve themselves on the floor during this 48-hour-long period. Nevertheless, the pair was charged with trespassing.
“Florida Man Tries to Walk Out of Store With Chainsaw Stuffed Down His Pants”
There is footage of this particular Florida Man in action.
With all the subtlety of a sore thumb, Anthony Ballard comes into Treasure Coast Lawn Equipment, shoves a chainsaw down his shorts, pulls his t-shirt on top of it, turns around, and starts walking off. It is not that unusual for a crime to be done so blatantly that it goes unnoticed, and this guy really seemed to be banking on that fact.
The employee behind the counter, even though he’s got his attention on the computer screen, notices Ballard’s weird behavior out of the corner of his eye. But the thief still manages to get on a bike and cycle away with the stolen power tool.
Ballard was eventually caught and charged with grand theft.
“Florida Man Arrested for Calling 911 After His Cat Was Denied Entry into Strip Club”
Everett Lages was just minding his own business and trying to enter a strip club…with his cat. What could possibly be wrong with that?
Well, the bouncers did find an issue with it, and the owner would come to tell Lages to leave. Lages, however, simply sat down outside the building and dialed 911.
The operator informed him that wasn’t the proper use of the emergency system, so he had no choice but to call them back and complain again. Eventually, Charlotte County Deputies showed up and arrested him. The kitten was also taken into custody and spent the night at Animal Control.
“Florida Man Suspected of Using Private Plane to Draw Giant Radar Penis”
Some people doodle when they are bored. But one Florida pilot took the concept to a whole different level.
This Florida man thought he’d take a private plane up and have a little too much fun with it. Drawing penises is something some kids do in school and some college kids do at college. There are even some grown men who do it in bathroom stalls throughout their lives for whatever reason.
But all of the above were too basic for this inventive pilot. So, he decided to utilize an aircraft tracking system. Flightradar24 is a website that tracks aircraft flight routes in real-time, and they got a very artistic show one night back in 2015.
“Florida Man Charged with Assault with a Deadly Weapon After Throwing Alligator through Wendy’s Drive-Thru Window”
Joshua James said his friend worked at Wendy’s and thought he’d pull a funny prank. He found a harmless little alligator and threw it through the drive-thru window where his friend wasn’t even working at the time.
Thankfully, no one was hurt in the incident, but James was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, petty theft, and unlawful possession of an alligator. The alligator was caught in the kitchen and returned to a canal not far away.
“Florida Man Charged with Groping Women While Posing as Palm Reader”
Palm readers are supposed to touch your hands. That’s where the palms normally are, but either Zulfikar Jaffer did not have that universal piece of knowledge or this is the pretense he came up with to get near women and inappropriately touch them.
The odd story begins in a Walmart parking lot where Jaffer found his victims. When they agreed to a palm reading, he would reach up their shirt and start feeling around. Two women came forward after being assaulted at the US 17-92 Walmart, and another one also spoke out after suffering a similar incident at an Aldi not far from there.
Jaffer was charged with several counts of battery, and hopefully now knows to keep his palms to himself.
“Florida Man Arrested for Crashing Car into Mall; Says He Was Trying to Time Travel”
This Florida Man thought he had everything he needed to travel through time if only he could duplicate the way they did it in Back to the Future. Here’s the problem with all that—he was driving a Dodge Charger, not a DeLorean. And, of course, how could he get far without a Flux Capacitor?
Thankfully it was the weekend, not a busy weekday, and no one was hurt. The incident took out an Advanced Tax Services and Pensacola Caskets of a mall that the driver apparently thought was going to disappear as he careened into it. After his arrest, he was taken for an evaluation, and his name was not identified.
“Florida Man Torched Girlfriend’s Car and Then Had Sex With Her on a Beach”
This Florida Man is a little vicious, and dating him is something that should be cautioned.
David Charles Aiuppy, 29, and Kathy Lynn Granone, 31, found themselves in a very heated debate. It got so heated that Granone decided to walk away, leaving Aiuppy there with no other choice but to set his girlfriend’s vehicle on fire as any reasonable person in his position would.
Then, he chased her down to the beach, where the two of them gave into their carnal desires in front of everyone who was witnessing that afternoon. The Jacksonville police showed up and arrested Granone for exposure and later additionally charged her with resisting arrest and arrested Aiuppy for exposure and arson.
“Police Say Florida Man with No Arms and No Legs Is Armed and on the Run”
This story baffled Florida at first, mainly because of the way it was reported. The actual story is far more tragic than the headline might at first suggest.
Sean Petrozinno was a quadruple amputee, so why did the headlines keep saying he was armed and dangerous? The first question in most people’s minds is how he was capable of handling a firearm, but it appears he did by modifying his weapons. He shot his mother and father and left them for dead as he went on the run. He was finally pulled over in Tennessee, and that’s when he decided to end his own life.
“Florida Man Impersonating a Police Officer Pulls Over Real Cops”
Barry Lee Hastings, Jr., 35, was simply minding his own business one night while wearing a fake police officer uniform and driving around in a black Crown Victoria that looked a lot like a police cruiser. As was his duty as a fake officer, he saw a car speeding and decided to tell it to slow down.
Hastings just happened to be pulling over an actual police officer, and that’s when his entire scheme came to an abrupt end. When the real officer felt something was suspicious, he asked for credentials, which Hastings didn’t have. He prompted the officer to follow him to the office, giving him a chance to drive away and attempt to flee. He was soon arrested by the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office and charged with impersonating an officer.
“Florida Man’s Report of Possible Dead ‘Body’ in Home Leads to Bizarre Find”
One Saturday night, Timothy Henry, 51, called deputies to report a home intruder he had valiantly knocked out, and might now be dead. During the call, “family that was flying in and out of state, but didn’t show up, a theft of a dog, and a woman and child inside of his trees.”
This Florida Man like other Florida Men before him, probably took some narcotics and, as a result, perceived a fire where there wasn’t even smoke. When Henry led the officers to the “knocked-out body,” all they found was a large duffle bag which was filled with, not a man, but golf clubs.
“Florida Man Accused of Impersonating Law Enforcement Officer Multiple Times Arrested Again”
No, this is not the same man. It might just be the natural Florida Man’s disposition for playing cops and robbers.
This one takes it a step further, as he just seems to have a knack for getting into trouble with the law again and again. In 2022, Jeremy Dewitte, 42, was arrested once more after a violation of his probation, not having taken down his YouTube channel and posting videos of himself acting as a law enforcement officer pulling cars over and directing traffic.
His excuse? Someone hacked him. But as the Sherif pointed out: “You can definitely deactivate your account, so he’s full of it.”
This earned Dewitte, a convicted sex offender, some more additional charges.