‘This is the level of petty I aspire to’: Peak revenge sees woman make a holiday out of irritating PetSmart scumbag who called her names

Sometimes, karma likes to play the long game as it schemes up the just deserts of the world’s deplorables. Other times, it delivers deliverance at a speed that light hopes to catch up to one day.

Then there are those rare, delectable occasions where the quickness of karma is only the secondary point of interest; in such instances, all eyes are on the very high interest rate that karma has chosen specially for this particular victim.

About a week and change ago, that karma came in the form of TikTok‘s @originalokayestbartender, and say what you will about letting bygones be bygones; no one can listen to the story of this evil genius without being wholly impressed by the end.

As relayed by Nicole above, she once committed the inexcusable crime of dissociating in the direction of a goldfish, who happened to be chilling in a plastic bag held by a lady who was in line ahead of her at PetSmart (Nicole’s cat and dog, you see, were in desperate need of matching sweaters).

The lady in question wasted no time in letting her know how severely offensive she found Nicole’s actions, quickly resorting to name-calling and other such attacks in pursuit of whatever the equivalent of self-actualization is for these sorts of people.

The cashier tried to defuse the situation by, among other things, offering the lady a PetSmart card. For those of you who don’t know, signing up for a PetSmart card/loyalty program requires a phone number and an email address, which the lady rhymed off for the cashier. It was at this point that that fateful, dark lightbulb went off over Nicole’s head.

Fast forward to today, and now, every May 26, Nicole begins the day by using that very email to sign this aggressive goldfish owner up for the internet’s worst culprits, i.e. spammy newsletters and relentless promotions. It is our assumption that she very flamboyantly strokes the fur of her matching-sweater’d cat and dog while chuckling sinisterly the whole time.

In other words, Happy Belated Email Vengeance Day, everyone. This new holiday shares a spot on the calendar with Georgian and Guyanese Independence Day, Mother’s Day in Poland, National Paper Airplane Day in the United States, and National Sorry Day in Australia (the last of which isn’t to honor the concept of guilt, but instead to honor the “Stolen Generations” of abducted Aboriginal Australian and Torres Strait Islander children, as part of the country’s reconciliation efforts. More officially, this holiday is referred to as National Day of Healing).

In fact, National Day of Healing suits Nicole’s gerrymandered celebration of pettiness pretty well. What’s more enriching to the soul than drowning your enemies in MLM subscriptions to remind them that douchebaggery has no place in a PetSmart?