Gymnasts are some of the most inspiring athletes out there, as the graceful dexterity of their routines and the mastery of their movements can make us lazy schlubs watching them from the comfort of our couches feel motivated to be more like them. Unfortunately, the tragic tale of Luigi the mascot serves as a dire warning that we should leave the gymnastics to the professionals, lest we make monkeys out of ourselves.
In an eye-watering watch, both because it brings you to tears with laughter and may make you feel sympathy pains, Luigi — the official mascot of the European Gymnastics Championships — is caught on video attempting one of the most daring, and stupidest, stunts we’ve ever seen in order to entertain a crowd. The simian simpleton decides to emulate the gymnasts on the mats by trying to tightrope-walk across the tops of the plexiglass guards placed around the arena.
Tragically, he lasts all of two seconds before capricious gravity comes for him, resulting in what must be some serious pain to his primates privates.
Beautifully scored to Johnny Cash’s “Pain,” Luigi’s hubristic downfall is a work of slapstick art on a par with The Simpsons‘ “Man Getting Hit By Football.” We may never know what possessed the mascot to decide he could pull off a move that likely takes professional gymnasts months of training to learn, and which even they probably couldn’t manage when weighed down by a heavy monkey suit.
The most heartbreaking part of it all, however, might be that nobody even noticed. As Luigi waddles away, paws between his legs, his big felt eyes no doubt perfectly mirroring the agitated expression of the man within, the crowd just keeps on cheering for the real athletes, entirely oblivious to how Luigi just sacrificed his own future children for their entertainment.
At least the people of TikTok are more empathetic. “Why did no one help him?” is a comment echoed by many responding to the video. Others are stunned by how much emotion our mangled monkey man can express through his costume: “How did a static mask express at least three different emotions???” or “This should be an empathy test. the mask doesn’t change but I felt every emotion.” Speaking of the costume, does it look familiar or have we just watched too much of Netflix’s Nobody Wants This? “He looks like Adam Brody I can’t explain it.”
Seeing as it feels like we know Luigi intimately well now, let’s learn a little about his history. As per the European Gymnastics website, Luigi began life as a plush toy at the 2015 championships, used as a good luck charm by the Belgian team. Eventually, due to his popularity, it was decided in 2019 that “it was time for Luigi to come to life” and he’s been a costumed mascot ever since.
In that context, then, perhaps what we just witnessed wasn’t an embarrassing pratfall but the next stage of Luigi’s accelerated evolution. Like the monkeys at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey, what if these ill-fated exploratory steps were the first sign that he’s becoming more like a man? Even so, suddenly I’m a lot less scared that the Planet of the Apes movies are going to come true.
