Episode three of this season of True Blood, entitled “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’, opened once again with Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) as he tries to pull her out of the car. Roll the scary opening credits; it’s time for another fantastic episode of True Blood.
Sookie runs and realizes something has gone very wrong with Eric, who is much more puppydog-like. Of course, what we know that she doesn’t is that his memory has been completely erased. The two strike a deal; Eric can stay with her if he agrees not to touch her and especially, not to bite her. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Next, we’re back with the coven. What will these shady witches do now that Eric has violated their freedom of religion, which in their case, involves resurrecting animals from the dead. “What does he think this is? Nazi Germany?” “He did look kind of Aryan.” Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) plainly points out how silly their attempt to fight back against a vampire is, but witches never listen.
Back to poor Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten), who is being eaten and raped by werepanthers. They think they’re turning him into a werepanther (or their “Ghostdaddy”) and breeding some new pups; Jason is pretty sure he’s just slowly dying of infection. He might be the dumbest character on the show, but I think he might be right.
On to King Bill (Stephen Moyer), who gets a visit from Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll). She needs to talk with her vampire dad. She cheated on Hoyt (Jim Parrack) and luckily, she wasn’t video taped. If she had been, it would’ve resulted in the true death penalty. Bill advises that she tell Hoyt, but Jessica takes the easy route out and just glamours the poor sap.
Back to the good stuff: Sookie and Eric.
Adorable and reformed Eric loses his cool when Pam (Kristen Bauer), his longtime sidekick, shows up and has some threatening things to say to his Sookie. Pam rightly points out that Bill wants Eric dead and that Eric must stay at Sookie’s house for his own protection. Sookie agrees, although she doesn’t really know what’s in it for her.
Really, Sookie? I think we all know.
In totally weird Bon Temps news, Jessica and Hoyt have a gross babydoll that they keep trying to throw away. It ominously keeps showing up in their house so they decide to give it to Arlene’s (Carrie Preston) baby, who might be a future serial killer. Makes complete sense, right?
Lafayette clearly didn’t learn his lesson when Eric kept him kidnapped in a dungeon for weeks in season two, because he thinks they need to go to Fangtasia and apologize. Tara (Rutina Wesley) and Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) rightfully disagree, but foolhardy Lafayette ignores their advice.
Tara and Jesus head up to Fangtasia, where we get to see our good ‘ole friend Ginger (Tara Buck) once again. They barely arrive in time to save Lafayette from Pam, who they then team up with to reverse Eric’s spell. Based on my Harry Potter knowledge, I think they need the antidote for forgetfulness potion.
Finally, the part I have been dreading, the return of my least favorite character, Alcide (Joe Manganiello). I don’t know why I dislike him so much, maybe it’s because he’s even more boring than Tara. Maybe it’s because Twilight ruined every werewolf for me except for Remus Lupin. Either way, I can’t stand him.
Regardless, he’s back and his V-addict girlfriend has been sober for a year. Alcide still can’t help Sookie out though. What’s he going to do with Eric when he lives with a recovering V-addict?
Other headlines in Bon Temps include Andy Bellefleur’s drug addiction being at an all-time-high, tension between Andy (Chris Bauer) and Sam (Sam Trammell) a’brewin, Tara’s girlfriend existing, Tommy (Marshall Allman) trying to swindle Mrs. Fortenberry out of her natural gas-rich house and Bill dating a co-worker.
At the end of the episode, Sookie’s fairy godmother returns, asking her to go back to fairy land and reminding her how often they have blessed her with supernatural strength. Then Eric shows up, drains the fairy, and she bursts into dust. The poor guy couldn’t control himself.
Can Sookie’s super-strength ever return? Are there any fans who still like Bill more than Eric? Will Sam’s pants get any tighter? That’s it for this week’s very Team Eric-centric recap, we’ll be back next week with episode five, I’m Alive and on Fire.