Sorry Ice-T, you can join the MCU as soon as ‘Tank Girl’ is actually a good movie

He’s been a cartoon, a cop, and a controversial rapper, and now Ice-T wants to boldly go where no T has gone before – into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or a Star Wars movie. You know – either/or. The problem is, his last go around in a superhero movie flopped pretty spectacularly.

The rapper, who’s played Sergeant Odafin “Fin” Tutuola on the hit show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for more than two decades, wants to branch out into something new (don’t worry, he’s not leaving SVU anytime soon). T, whose real name is Tracy Lauren Marrow, said he constantly gets asked what he wants to do next.

His timing isn’t bad, considering there have been rumors that Marvel is looking to replace Jonathan Majors as Kang amid an ongoing domestic assault case. Unfortunately, Marrow’s track record isn’t great. Let’s talk the abomination that was Tank Girl.

The movie — based on a popular comic book by Jamie Hewlett and Alan Martin — seemed like a sure bet. Actress of the moment Lori Petty (Point Break) played the titular character, but they styled her like Gwen Stefani and made her sound like Tommy Pickles from Rugrats. It somehow alienated both fans of the comics and newcomers alike.

Reviews were not kind. Here’s Matt Brunson from Creative Loafing:

“Rachel Talalay’s hyper direction and Lori Petty’s hyper performance result in migraines; you also get an unrecognizable Ice-T as the most antagonistic of the Rippers and Iggy Pop in a fleeting cameo as a pervert with a penchant for 10-year-old girls.”

“Unrecognizable” is not the kind of recognition you want to get from critics. Here he is in action. He’s the one with the dangly earing.

Weird that he was ignored by the academy for this role. Maybe they were on vacation that day. This is one of those movies that is so bad it’s worse. It made about $6 million on a $25 million budget, and honestly that seems like a lot.

Why would Marrow take such a role? Well, it’s not rocket science – he wanted the money. Marrow said he got a cool $1 million for taking on the role.

“My first real check was Tank Girl, with Lori Petty, playing a fuckin’ kangaroo,” he said on the Howard Stern Show. He was unsure he wanted to play a kangaroo, but once they offered him the money he said he started “hopping around the room.”

You hear that, MCU? If you want Ice-T, just offer him enough money and he’ll do anything you want.