‘I have to find a way to come to terms with that’: Does Sean Edwards regret his self-elimination from ‘Survivor 45?’

Ladies and gentlemen, Survivor 45 has officially experienced its second quit of the season. Following the self-elimination of Hannah Rose in episode one, Sean Edwards made the controversial decision to leave the game in episode four, shocking both his fellow castaways, as well as Survivor superfans across the globe.

Needless to say, viewers were NOT thrilled by Sean’s choice, speaking out about the 35-year-old’s self-elimination via X (formerly Twitter):

After a tribe swap, where the former Lulu member ended up on a tribe with four former Reba members (J. Maya, Sifu Alsup, Julie Alley, and Dee Valladares), Sean seemed to be doing everything in his power to stay in the game, trying to build new bonds and break up the group that was supposedly “Reba strong.”

After losing the immunity challenge, a blindside against Sifu was already in the works once tribal council rolled around, however, Sean broke down upon the tribe’s arrival. Sharing a tear-jerking story about his oh-so complicated upbringing and announcing that he wanted to leave the island to go spend time with his husband (garnering a huge reaction from host and executive producer Jeff Probst), the school principal requested that everyone write his name down on their parchment that fateful night, ultimately resulting in his elimination.

Where did this idea to quit come from, and how long did Sean Edwards really have this planned? Most importantly, did he regret his decision upon arriving to Ponderosa?

Given that Sean’s self-elimination seemingly came out of left field, the New Jersey native shared how he landed on the decision to leave Survivor 45 altogether, via Entertainment Weekly.

“My whole goal in going on Survivor — and I’ve been honest about this the whole time with production and everyone — was that it was this idea of reclaiming lost time, and bits of that surfaced for me throughout the game of like, ‘Well, is this really helping me to rewrite my past?’ but every time I felt that throughout the game, I’d kind of push it down,” he explained, before diving into what caused him to pull the trigger.

As Sean was entering tribal council that fateful night, “it was like this inspirational revelation to me that was like, ‘Sean, you don’t need to erase your past. You need to learn how to embrace it,’ and for me, that was so impactful,” he explained.

At this time, Sean still wanted to remain in the game, however, when Jeff asked the question of “What has this Survivor experience meant for you?” the “connection-seeking, ambitiously-minded, magnetic” castaway was hit like a ton of bricks.

“For whatever reason, that question just immediately triggered in me this automatic response. It was like word vomit. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was saying in the moment. It was just coming out very authentically and genuine, and that’s when it just all kind of came to a head,” he spilled, explaining what ultimately resulted in his self-elimination.

“Survivor had fulfilled its purpose for me, and I realized that what I expected to get out of Survivor, my whole intention of going was not something that was a reasonable ask, and so again, I felt very at peace with my decision in that moment,” he gushed. However, since filming Survivor 45 this past summer, Sean views his self-elimination in a whole new light.

He explained, “As I’ve been able to process this experience and come back from it — it’s been months since it’s been filmed — I’ll be honest with myself and with everyone else, that there definitely is an intense feeling of regret about my decision, and it’s okay to have regrets.”

“I think a lot about how I wish I could have been more flexibly-minded in that moment to be able to say, ‘Hey, Survivor, this has been a great experience. It’s not really fulfilling what I initially came out here for, but now as a player of the game who loves this game, now I can turn up and play the game instead of asking for this adventure of a lifetime,’ so definitely, looking back, I wish I could have been more in that space. I just wasn’t, and I have to find a way to come to terms with that,” Sean concluded, ultimately tugging on our heartstrings.

Will Survivor 45 have a third quitter, or perhaps even a fourth? We will just have to wait and see. Tune into CBS every Wednesday at 8pm ET/PT for new 90-minute episodes.