Everyone loves to explore their family tree, to climb back through their heritage and history and discover fresh branches of relatives or juicy apples of genetic surprises. But, to stretch this belabored analogy even further, you know what also happens when you climb a tree? Sometimes you fall out of it.
TikTok user goofywitch666 got folks talking when she revealed her family’s alarming reactions to finding out she wanted to take a 23andMe test. The TikToker explained that, while her dad was very laidback about the situation and felt she should do it if she wanted to, her mother and her grandfather (her mother’s father) were dead against it. Even though the pair of them have done 23andMe tests of their own!
“My grandfather originally bought me a test kit but then suddenly changed his tune,” explains goofywitch666, in a hilarious deadpan delivery that’s laced with equal parts mirth and concern. “Suddenly it was all ‘the government could take your DNA and plant it at a crime scene…’ What the f*** are you talking about?”
Naturally, now the entirety of the app is engrossed in this family drama in the making, with everyone waiting on the edge of their seats for a much-needed update once the test is taken and the results come back. In the meantime, it seems the whole internet has their own pet theory on what the big family secret at threat of coming out could be. “Algorithm bring me back when she finds out who her real dad is,” quipped one. “Options: dad isn’t dad, Grandpa IS dad, or gramps killed 3 people in 1983,” theorized another.
Others spoke from experience. “Ooooh the secrets that were spilled when my sister didn’t turn up on any of our DNA matches,” shared a different commenter. Some think the dad isn’t as innocent as he seems: “Mommas got a secret and pappy is IN ON IT.” As it is, goofywitch666 is convinced we can rule out the “dad’s not her dad” theory, thanks to their close physical resemblance. “See that’s the thing,” she commented. “I look exactly like him. I got his eyes, his smile, even his teeth??? I look exactly like HIS grandma to a t???”
The good news for the goofywitch clan is that maybe their skeletons will remain in the closet even if the TikToker does take the test. Although both 23andMe and AncestryDNA boast 99.9% accuracy rates, mistakes do happen. As MyHeritage’s chief science officer Yanic Erlich told Vox, “We’re talking about 99.9 percent accuracy for these arrays. But even with that high level of accuracy, when you process 1 million places in the genome, you might get 1,000 errors.”
Then there was that time that a DNA testing company failed to realize that the genetic sample they studied came from a dog, not a person. So if goofywitch666’s test comes back and claims that her biological father is the family pet then we may know what’s happened.
Published: Mar 5, 2024 12:39 pm