Marvel is struggling to make a ‘Blade’ movie, so we asked AI to write one for them. Here’s what happened

Marvel has been working on a Blade movie for five years, and the studio has nothing to show for it but a brace of ex-directors and half a dozen screenwriters. Like a vampire’s teeth, let that sink in for a moment. To put this in context, in the five-year period from 1998 to 2003, the original Blade and Blade II had released, with Blade: Trinity already filmed and ready to follow in 2004.

After so long running around in circles, MCU fans are growing dissatisfied with what should have been an easy win: just have the guy fight some vampires and look cool doing it! It really shouldn’t be a hard equation to crack, Marvel. In fact, to prove it, we decided to go through the looking glass and ask a troubling question: could AI write a more workable Blade movie in one minute than Marvel’s been able to in five years?

The answer turned out to be even more troubling than the question: maybe.

Marvel’s Blade reboot — as imagined by AI

Per ChatGPT (as facilitated by WGTC’s resident robot wrangler, David James), the Blade reboot set in the MCAIU — Marvel Cinematic AI Universe — is titled Blade: Dark Horizons.

According to the thrilling, if highly derivative, synopsis, the film follows “an ancient evil” stirring in “the shadows of New York City” as Daywalker Blade “continues his relentless hunt against the undead.” The synopsis continues: “Armed with his iconic sword, a cache of weapons, and unparalleled combat skills, Blade has become the scourge of vampires worldwide.”

Dark Horizons opens with Blade and his “tech-genius assistant” Abigail Whistler (a gender-flipped version of Abraham Whistler… played by Millie Bobby Brown!) discover that “powerful vampire warlord” Varnae (an obscure comics character, brought to life by Aquaman‘s Jason Momoa) has “emerged from centuries of slumber.”

From there, the plotting somewhat devolves into a series of crossover cameos, which — depending on your point of view — either showcases AI’s inability to come up with a story rooted in character and emotion, or a perfect replica of the narratives of such films as Doctor Strange 2 and Spider-Man: No Way Home.

First of all, Blade and Abigail team up with Benedict Cumberbatch’s Doctor Strange to get help with this mystical threat before Spider-Man swings by to aid Blade in discovering that Varnae wants to get his hands on ancient relic the Bloodstone — neat tie-in to Werewolf by Night there, credit where credit’s due — in order to “amplify his power.”

At this point, Shuri’s Black Panther shows up, for some reason, to tell Team Blade that Varnae’s influence also extends to Wakanda as he needs vibranium to strengthen his vampire army — which sets about storming the streets of Manhattan. Blade battles Varnae in his stronghold in the NYC subway. It’s tough going — but the day is saved when Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) swoops in, having been summoned by Doctor Strange, and overpowers Varnae!

In a coda, Blade “vanishes into the night,” returning to his roots as a dark loner, although he thanks his friends for their help. Meanwhile, in a post-credits scene, Nick Fury comes to Blade with a proposition. He’s assembling a new initiative, this time concerning supernatural superheroes…

No, Marvel should not use AI to write its Blade reboot

So, what is there to say about ChaptGPT’s Blade pitch? Honestly, it’s surprisingly solid. Massively cliched, of course, and Captain Marvel swooping in to steal Blade’s hero moment in the third act would have to go, but it’s not half-bad. Fans would no doubt lose it over the Doctor Strange and Spider-Man cameos and the casting of Millie Bobby Brown and Jason Momoa feels all too believable.

However, this should in no way be seen as a sign that Marvel needs to use AI to hurry up the scripting process. Honestly, it should probably be a point of concern that the MCU’s house style is arguably formulaic and cookie-cutter enough that ChatGPT can make a decent attempt at replicating it, no problem.

And perhaps therein lies the real reason why Blade is taking so long to happen. Marvel is cycling through creatives — extremely talented creatives, it should be stressed, including director Yann Demange (Lovecraft Country), and writers Stacy Osei-Kuffour (Watchmen) and Nic Pizzolatto (True Detective), among others — in order to find the right personal vision for this movie. Rumor has it that Ali is at least partially to do with the hold-up, as he has a high-standard for how he wants this film to turn out.

Well, why shouldn’t he? We’ve had three Blade movies already, so there’s no crying need for a new one unless there’s a genuine storytelling reason — a surprising, interesting, subversive take on the source material — to make it. Clearly, making an acceptable if unremarkable Blade reboot, one that does everything you would expect it to, is as easy as pie AI. But to make a really great Blade reboot? You need something AI doesn’t have: brains. Oh, and blood. Lots and lots of blood.