‘Please tell me she was trying to shoplift chocolate’: Woman tries to drop a covert turd in the check-out line, but the camera catches everything

A kind warning to the reader before you proceed, if you are eating while scrolling it might just be better for you to come back to this article after you’ve finished because today’s topic is public defecation.

Listen, when you gotta go, you gotta go, Public toilets suck, they can be filthy scary places, and sometimes they don’t even have toilet paper for you to use. But sometimes you simply have to take the risk and use the facilities at your disposal. Or you could do what one lady did when she found herself in the life or death situation of needing a poo at very short notice. Just let it out where you’re standing like a big toddler.

That’s right, in a clip that’s going viral on X (formerly Twitter) a woman can be seen on security footage standing at the check out of a shop. Clearly something is bothering her as she seems uncomfortable, pulling at the back of her dress near her rear. Then, all of a sudden a lump of brown matter splats onto the floor between her feet. If my description wasn’t graphic enough for you, you can watch the whole thing for yourself – if you’re brave enough.

Donald Trump? Is that you in a wig and a dress? In all seriousness though, you’ve got to admire that technique, like a Navy SEAL dropping a tactical frag grenade. She was slick with it, the way she let it drop out, swiftly kicked it under the checkout, and then acts like nothing even happened – all in under a second. And she would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for that pesky security camera. 

Honestly, something tells me she’s done this before. If public pooping was a sport, she’d for sure be a gold medallist. Although she loses some points for kicking her own feces with open-toed sandals, that’s a bold move, but also very, very gross. I mean, everything about this scene is gross, but that’s just the icing on top of the poop cake.

One viewer tried to reassure themselves by reasoning that maybe she was just trying to steal some chocolate.

Please tell me she was trying to shoplift chocolate and then decided against it.

— RacquelMorris- Facetiously Sarcastic😜😉🙃 (@RacquelRMorris) June 25, 2024

I wish I could make myself believe that this was the case, that it’s just a melted Twix or something, but I can practically smell the truth through my screen. Another viewer responded to the comment that “She was returning chocolate she already ate.” 

While I’m sure everyone who saw the video is completely disgusted, I have to admit I’m also intrigued. I need to know more, I need to know who this woman is. What happened next? Who found it? Was the woman a regular? Did they confront her? So many questions that shall likely remain a mystery forever, the answers blown away like a turd in the wind.