Did socialite Derek Blasberg really have ‘catastrophic’ pooping disaster in Gwyneth Paltrow’s house and fled the scene?

The latest gossip swirling around Tinseltown involves none other than Gwyneth Paltrow, the queen of (not so) clean living and founder of the lifestyle brand Goop. But this time, it’s not about jade eggs or vaginal steaming — it’s about something far more… earthy.

Paltrow has been in the spotlight for many bizarre reasons, from being quite vocal about the sex skills of Hollywood stars to being involved in unexpected lawsuits. However, when you are one of Hollywood’s biggest nepo babies, your house can also be the stage for other wealthy people’s muddy stories. According to whispers in the celebrity gossip mill, a high-profile guest allegedly had a rather embarrassing bathroom emergency that couldn’t be contained within the powder room.

The scoop on the poop: What happened in Gwyneth Palthrow’s Hampton’s bathroom?

The tale, first reported by the celebrity gossip newsletter Popbitch (with a single “o”), claims that a recent houseguest at Paltrow’s residence “catastrophically shat themselves in bed.” As if this wasn’t mortifying enough, the mystery guest reportedly fled the scene, leaving behind more than just a bad impression. 

Naturally, the internet exploded with speculation. Who could this mystery pooper be? What could have caused such an explosive event (pun intended)? And most importantly, how did Gwyneth react to finding her Goop-approved, probably organic, definitely overpriced sheets in such a state? As the rumor mill churned, a name emerged as the alleged culprit: Derek Blasberg, a well-known socialite and TV personality.

Blasberg is a close friend of Paltrow’s and has been a guest at her Hamptons home in the past. Initially, the incident was blamed on “Ozempic-induced diarrhea,” referring to the popular weight loss drug that has been making waves in Hollywood. However, sources close to the situation claim this was merely a cover story. “It’s not Ozempic, that’s just what he told everyone,” an insider reportedly told the Daily Mail. The story gained even more traction when the same source revealed that Paltrow herself had allegedly shared the tale with a star-studded list of friends, including Oprah Winfrey, Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, and Larry David.

As expected, Blasberg is now the stuff of expert memes that are bound to go down in history as pure gold.

Currently, neither Blasberg nor Paltrow have officially commented on the incident. The silence from both camps has only fueled further speculation and, let’s face it, a fair amount of potty humor across social media platforms. While we may never know the whole, unvarnished truth of what transpired in Gwyneth Paltrow’s guest bedroom, one thing is sure: This story has captured the public’s imagination in a way that no Goop product ever could. As we wait for more details to float (or sink), just remember to approach this story with a grain of salt – and maybe a clothespin for your noses.