‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’: Soft swinging, explained

Up until this moment in pop culture, society has had a particular perception of Mormonism. From depictions in Keep Sweet and Under the Banner of Heaven, the women of the Church of Jesus Latter Day Saints all seemed demure and extensions of their husbands.

Then The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives came along and all these perceptions disappeared. The reality television series comes on the heels of yet another dancing scandal on TikTok. Based out of Utah, the sensation #MomTok was a group that a close-knit community of Mormon women put together, predominantly featuring dance videos. At the head of the scandal was Taylor Frankie Paul, who claimed ownership of the group (via Today).

“It all started with me, just like, kind of making fun videos, and I invited girls over to do it. And then it grew into a bigger and bigger group.”

Along with Paul, three other women were at the forefront: Mikayla Mathews, Whitney Leavitt, and Mayci Neeley. But what started as innocent would not remain that way. The mothers who were culturally accustomed to having their only value predicated by their husbands suddenly had a business of their own. And then it spun out of control. On the monumental day in question, Paul released a video confessing that she was headed for divorce in news that would rock the Mormon church.

What was the #MomTok swinging scandal?

According to Paul, the lives of her and her friends were not what LDS would have you believe. She and a group of her friends in the #MomTok community began engaging in sexual acts that the Church would not approve of. Calling it “soft swinging,” Paul opened up to Extra about what exactly that entailed.

“It means you are doing anything but going all the way and fully switching partners.”

However, it wasn’t as simple as that. Paul revealed that it was a slow build to the scandal it became. At first, a large group of her and her friends would just have parties at each other’s houses. Then they graduated to involve alcohol and other substances, eventually, encouraging each other to go beyond the confines of the sanctity of marriage in front of each other.

Paul assigned meaning to what they were doing, stating that there was a reason why this all occurred. She surmised that this wouldn’t have happened if they were content with each other’s partners. Within the constraints of organized religion, people can get bored, and that’s what happened to her and her group of friends. In her original confession video, Paul noted that her husband was complicit in most of what occurred. They had agreed to the soft-swinging scenario that included physical intimacy, but not full-blown sexual intercourse. Paul confessed that she stepped out of that arrangement when she fell in love with someone her husband had invited into their marriage. She takes responsibility for her part, but many of the stars of The Secret Lives of Mormon Women do not.

In the interview, the stars of the reality series drew a line between #MomTok and the swinging scandal. Neeley established that she was not part of the swinging group and “wasn’t cool enough to be invited.” Many of the Mormon wives have denied taking part in the scandal, though it is unclear if it should be taken at face value or not. As with any reality series, it is hard to establish what is real and what isn’t. What is clear is that there will be many antics to follow on the series streaming on Hulu.