‘Treat the recall like an IQ test’: Costco recalls 80,000 pounds of butter for fakest reason ever, but it is 2024 and it is real

Do you know what’s the ultimate bane of human existence? Many of you may be tempted to say a disease, money, jealousy or a cruel world. But they all pale in comparison to humankind’s overal idiocy. And now, it has pushed Costco to recall 80,000 pounds of butter.

Clearly, Costco is not done making the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

No connection to Donald Trump — though it does reek of the same “intelligence” — but as per the Food and Drug Administration’s report, Costco has ordered back the 2,100 cases of Kirkland Signature Butter that it shipped without noticing that they didn’t announce the presence of an allergen on the packaging — milk. 

While this won’t prompt a major emergency, the fact that the particular label of “contains milk” is missing from these butter packets is still enough to prompt a swift recall i.e., a Class II FDA recall that is applied to products that run a low risk of causing a serious health emergency. But even though these packets, being sold exclusively in Texas, missed mentioning milk that is indeed a major allergen harmful to those with lactose intolerance and other dairy-related allergies and can cause immediate side-effects like hives, breathing issues, vomiting, etc, the majority is having a hard time digesting that anyone would need to be told that butter “contains milk.”

What’s perhaps more mind-boggling for many is the detailed instructions that have been provided to identify these nefarious butter sticks and the option for the unlucky souls that brought this unlabeled butter to return them for a full refund.

There are brands out there selling dairy-free and gluten-free butter made from vegetable oil and other ingredients that do not contain lactose. But the kicker is that these vegan versions explicitly mention what they are plant-based and who their target audience is right on the packet, mostly in big letters. They are the minority because the bigger batch of butter hitting the market comes from milk. The general level of intellect commands that assuming the packet of butter you’re holding was made from milk is mandatory unless it highlights that is not a dairy product.

The sentiment is hard to argue with as, after all, it’s like someone not knowing what mustard oil’s core ingredient is. But questioning Costco’s need to swiftly recall the butter? Health protocols aside, we don’t exactly live in an honest world and it’s better to be safe than be sorry and lose millions of dollars.

But in case, you are in Texas and these mislabeled packets of butter have terrified your very souls, these salted and unsalted single 1-pound packages of four sticks can be recognized by their Best By dates of Feb. 22 or 23, and March 22 or 23, respectively. And of course, if you have bought them and their mere presence in your kitchen offends your senses, feel free to return them to Costco. A full refund awaits you.