A $1.3 billion-dollar video game adaptation that didn’t have its priorities straight powers up against the Minions on streaming

It’s been over a year and a half since The Super Mario Bros. Movie ground-pounded into theaters, amassed several box office records, and only missed the 2023 financial crown on account of Barbie. To this day, the best thing about Illumination’s newest venture isn’t Jack Black’s “Peaches,” nor is it the fact that we can finally say the words “Super Mario Bros. movie” without referencing the 1993 crime against movies.

No, the best part of The Super Mario Bros. Movie was the little girl who was sitting behind me in the cinema on opening day, giddily uttering the words “Wainbow Woad” when Mario and friends found themselves on Rainbow Road during the film. I have no doubt she was single-handedly responsible for all the streaming success the film has had since, including on platforms that are not even available here in Canada.

Per FlixPatrol, The Super Mario Bros. Movie is fifth on Peacock‘s film charts in the United States at the time of writing, boasting the somewhat admirable distinction of being the least-watched of the four charting Illumination films right now, after a fourth-place Despicable Me 4, a second-place Sing, and a first-place The Grinch.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie stars Chris Pratt as the titular, most iconic character in the history of gaming, where he lives out his days under his parents’ roof alongside his brother Luigi (Charlie Day). One day, Mario and Luigi venture into the sewers of Brooklyn and get isekai’d by a giant green pipe, after which Luigi is taken prisoner by Bowser (Jack Black), and Mario is recruited by Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) in her ongoing war against Bowser and his Koopa Army.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie dutifully follows the Illumination mission statement of being an entirely inoffensive diversion for young children, and the Hollywood IP mission statement of cramming as many references as possible into the proceedings. The latter, in hopes of tricking older audiences into thinking they like the film when they’re actually just having their egos appealed to and are farming the endorphin hits from the resulting validation.

When put together, this approach reveals itself to be quite depressing. How on Earth could any film studio be handed an IP like Super Mario — one of the most enduring, multigenerational franchises in all of pop culture — and justify skewing it towards young children almost exclusively? Power to that specific audience, to be sure, but why settle for a fantastical, toothless sugar rush when a genuinely well-crafted film could have appealed to the near-endless breadth of viewers that a Super Mario movie would no doubt attract?

Indeed, the kids will be plenty satisfied with the bright colors and fun voices, neither of which would have had to be sacrificed for the sake of giving older viewers a good story to chew on. But that’s the route they went, and a 2026 sequel suggests that that’s the route they’ll keep going down until Illumination stops making money off this not-so-brave new world. Whatever; as long as that little girl in the audience gets her Wainbow Woad, it’s a loss I’m willing to take.