In Shrek, Lord Farquaad reassures his terrified subjects that “some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I’m willing to make”. Donald Trump just told Iranians pretty much the exact same thing, simultaneously praising them before adding that they’re about to be bombed back into the Stone Age.
American and Israeli bombs are falling on Iran as you read this, with Trump’s goal to force regime change (and, of course, seizing some delicious oil in the process). He unveiled his plans while wearing a white USA baseball cap, saying:
Trump: Finally, to the great proud people of Iran. I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand. Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere. When we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to… pic.twitter.com/AbsyZamz9Q
— Acyn (@Acyn) February 28, 2026
“To the great proud people of Iran. I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand. Stay sheltered. Don’t leave your home. It’s very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere.”
But President Trump, what if one of the bombs you’re “dropping everywhere” falls on my home? Well, I guess you just die knowing that your corpse is helping pave the way for a glorious new Western-backed puppet government that’ll drain your national resources and destroy your culture?
Good luck, don’t die
Anyhow, Trump went on to clarify that yes, he will be destroying your country, but when you emerge from the rubble, it’ll be on you to try and cobble together a functioning government:
“When we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for generations. Tor many years you have asked for America’s help but you never got it. No president was willing to do what I am willing to do tonight. Now you have a president who is giving you what you want. So let’s see how you respond.”
Wow, so generous! Okay, great, let’s make a new socialist state that’ll redistribute the mineral wealth of Iran to its citizens! Oh, what’s that? The only thing we can have is corrupt disaster capitalism that’s making a handful of already obscenely rich Americans even more obscenely rich? Oh, well that really sucks.
Trump wrapped up by underlining that he’s “backing you with overwhelming strength and devastating force”. And if that overwhelming strength and devastating force happens to completely obliterate you, your family, and everyone you care about? Well, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, right?
Published: Feb 28, 2026 05:33 am